Put The Blame On Me

Hey, there, Young’un, what’s the story?

You won’t believe it but you’re the younger version of me,

At present you’re a grown man aged in his 30s,

Travelling back in time bearing overdue apologies,

So here it goes, hope it doesn’t get messy,

Swallowing my pride to be one-hundred temporarily,

Some of what you hear might be hard to take in, but you’ll live it, it’s in the future, so you better be ready,

Sorry for letting you get too lazy, should have forced you outdoors but let you veg out in front the TV,

Sorry for letting you get so out of shape you grew a keg and lil’ titties, a growing boy’s gotta eat but I let you slack off on your extra-curricular activities,

And now the other kids are treating you like a patsy, childish teasing coming from all directions, nooks and crannies,

Sorry that you had to be an oddball with a personality suited for nerds and beings from a different galaxy,

Kids can be so cruel and I exposed you to their brand of immaturity, and I let you take it rather than empower you to clap back with audacity,

If you’d kept up with the swimming and karate who knows where your future might be? Maybe collecting medals or title belts while inspiring kids in the community,

If you’d scratched on your guitar and spent less time gaming you might have penned a hit revered for eternity, but alas it remains a what-if confined deep in the vaults of history.

Fast forward now to your teen years, where your poker face served to hide the anxiety and tears,

The good times minglin’ with combustible memories, even up to now can still make your grown-self cringe,

At 13 you were rockin’, rollin’ and full of beans, a burnt-out shell by the time you’d reached 19,

Fun times and adventures continued with the family while high school troubles beat you down with increasing regularity,

While they were just joking ‘round in elementary here the vitriol had been upped quite significantly, 

I should’ve let you fight back though you were at the mercy of uncaring teachers and the entire student body,

For leaving you to the sharks I can’t offer nothing but an overdue apology, led you to deceitful phoneys that knifed your back before joining those trolling you mercilessly,

Got you fretting over grades and tests and most of all the motherfucking HSC, convinced you that a number on a piece of paper would make or break your destiny,

Despite your best efforts you could only muster B’s and C’s, I should’ve shielded you from those expecting what was beyond the sum of your abilities,

Is it any wonder that the happy kid you used to be became a distant memory? Replaced by a young adult depressed, repressed and mistrusting of everybody,

Emotions bottled up and stored away ‘til the contents done passed their date of expiry, for all the bullshit that you had to run through you can put the blame on me,

For every jerk and fraud that you’d encountered, you can put the blame on me,

For letting needless pressure do your head in, you can put the blame on me,

For rejecting what gen pop dictated to be the norm, you can put the blame on me,

For pushing you to hiding instead of clapping, you can put the blame on me.

Crossing over now to your adult years, namely the minefield that was your early-to-mid twenties,

Still brimming on the outside physically, but on the inside it’s a whole ‘nother story,

Sorry you’d been rendered a disillusioned cynic, thinking that the human race can fuck itself as a species,

Teen angst clinging to you like a blood-sucking leech, got you suspecting and distrusting everybody,

Sorry for not pushing you to fight your inner beasts, stewing in your filth served to make perceived failures a reality,

Others were out making friends, sowing oats and living decadently, good times and memories made while pursuing university degrees,

Such a lifestyle at odds with an anti-social personality, to hell with waking from a stupor damn near on the daily,

But deep down your self-imposed exile low-key left you feeling lonely, how good would it be, maybe, to connect on some level with anybody,

And now you’re looking back with a tinge of regret over how it could have played out differently, and now it’s too late to turn back time, you’ll never get another opportunity,

I forced you to embrace your fear and loathing and so you’d wasted most of your twenties, can’t do nothing now so all that’s left is to say ‘sorry,’

Sorry for not forcing you to plan ahead as a bitty kid, too content living in the moment to engage in serious forward-thinking,

Sorry that you chose to be a creative, where success is not exactly a given guarantee,

Sorry that it took a serious illness for you to gain some clarity, as we shall find out shortly,

But wait, your twenties needn’t end in tragedy, a turning point lay ahead two years after your quarter-century.

Made your way into the Wing Chun Academy, though admittedly apprehensive initially,

Wonderin’ how you’ll do as a grown man and not as lazy, the first extra-curricular since the days of swimmin’ strummin’ and karate,

Turned out to be the tonic that was missing, mentally, physically and even socially,

Bit by bit hacked away at your in-built cloak of invisibility, the chip on your shoulder closing up belatedly,

Finally found friends that were the real deal, no snakes and leeches keeping you alert for signs of disloyalty,

Emerged from your hideout to meet more peeps, forming friendships for the first time in many years,

The hermit that you once were all but a distant memory, it would seem that you’d finally achieved some level of maturity,

Work life looking up for you exponentially, used to fade in the back now you’re taking part willingly,

That it took this long for you to level up I can only say sorry, they say better late than never but you’d been drifting for too long endlessly,

Clearly you weren’t meant to hit your peak way too early, but you hung on and for that you deserve to be rewarded handsomely.

Ups and downs over the next few years, from late twenties and well into your thirties,

Met somebody then befriended her quickly, been accumulating plenty of ‘em lately,

Sorry that I’d led you to believe that something deeper was within the realm of possibilities,

‘Fessed up to her ‘bout your hidden feelings, she knocked you back with no ifs, buts or maybes,

Looks like it just wasn’t meant to be, but credit to you for your courage and honesty,

Then came the serious and unexpected disease, for reasons unexplained foiled by your own immunity,

Faced challenges ranging from the serious to humiliating, your first major test since the psychological horrors from your teens,

Good doctors and the support of your friends and family ensured that you beat this silent tormentor rather easily,

Just as it seemed that all was back on easy street, covid pandemic knocked the whole world loopy,

Wreaking havoc upon society, exposing fools, jerks and scumbags on the daily,

Sorry ‘bout your compromised immunity, you’d had to isolate like a prisoner in solitary,

But at least you were given time to write your story, found your muse through that health battle though it sounds crazy,

But while it seems like lockdown’s treating you kindly, ghosts from the past are pokin’, proddin’, waiting for you to get lazy,

It would seem that after 2020, this older, wiser, friendlier version’s in serious jeopardy,

Been some time since you’d engaged face to face with your buddies, feeling marooned once more like when you were teens and early twenties,

Walking, training and writing keeping you in check mentally, but chinks in the armour are always a possibility,

The spectre of who you once were testing your will and tenacity, comin’ full circle feeling like positive developments were only temporary,

Got you wondering if you were doomed to be a loner for eternity, perhaps this was who you were always meant to be,

The whole world’s hanging in the balance now, as though in a deep, dark and hellish freeze, only time will tell when we’ll finally be free and day by day it’s looking less likely,

‘Til then, Kid, you gotta hang in there, you’ve done it many times it should come to you naturally, gotta keep your head up high, your mind clear as night and fight the temptation to do something silly,

That she didn’t feel the same way, you can blame it on me,

For chasing dreams that may or may not become a reality, you can blame it on me,

For your body’s betrayal despite doing all the right things, you can put the blame on me,

For your continued inability to let people in, you can blame it on me.

Well, there you have it now, Little Kid, what awaits between now and your mid-30s,

Apologies if it roused in you any suspicions and worries, but it need not be all drama and uncertainties,

Ups and downs are a given guarantee, ain’t nobody’s journey ever runs smoothly,

Sorry if it feels like I’d let you be nothing more than the village punching bag and picked-on kid,

Sorry if it feels like I’d left you ill-equipped to handle certain challenges, predators and life’s little quandaries,

Sorry ‘bout the time when you were eighteen, tormented by school, your personal and those fuckin’ bullies,

Everything came crashing down all around it seemed, got you thinking ‘bout checking outta here,

To your credit the moment was merely fleeting, been lurking since but at present you’re still standing,

All up you still have it easy, the school of hard knocks not a part of your itinerary,

Ma and Pa kept you well-provided for and healthy, not everybody are as lucky,

No serious health struggles beyond the one from 2018, from which you bounced back rather quickly,

Had it never happened you may have dropped that teenage dream to be a writer way to turn that curse into a blessing,

And there’s no point wanting to redo anything from a childhood that played out relatively hassle-free, a few hiccups here and there but overall damn near perfect as any childhood can possibly be,

It would have been great to go further in all those extra-curricular activities, but in hindsight you’d probably given them your best shot each, extended spells just weren’t meant to be,

You never had it in you to live hedonistically in your twenties so don’t even waste your energy, you’d have wanted to get the fuck outta there like a bat outta hell, tyres squealing like a banshee,

The struggles that you had faced are still mere child’s play compared to other peoples’ difficulties, could have been much, much worse for you so you better count your blessings while you’re down on your knees,

Why hold onto the shackles of what’s been and done and what might have been, rather than letting go so you can finally live freely?

So much more life for you to live, to carve your legacy, still many more pages before you can claim a thorough victory,

Now you know what lies ahead, your true destiny, keep your head up high but for now I’ll just say that you can blame it on me,

That this ramble was too lengthy, you can blame it on me

For killing the suspense so early, you can blame it on me,

For all the bad shit that lies ahead you can blame it on me,

Should you change the course of history, you’ll have to give thanks to me!

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