Morning is upon us, should be thanking God for another day of life,
Unsure if I’d earned it, if I even want it, lately it’s been a rough ride,
Two months later the wound remains raw, gonna take a whole lot to heal this open sore,
Can never erase the events of that night, got home following another hard grind,
She was standing there, should’ve been sleeping, could tell she was red-hot and steaming,
Huffing about matters unimportant, the impact wouldn’t have dented the fucking richter,
She gave too many fucks about ‘em, straight-up ducked and dodged my explaining,
Overtime followed by a long commute and I had to come home to this shit?
Can’t believe she stayed up late for it, I really wasn’t feeling it,
One thing led to another and we got to bickering, at first about the so-called issue at hand,
Then segued over to our recent history, from the beginning ‘til the present a startling contrast,
No more of that lovey-dovey rom-com thing, done eroded into something almost toxic,
Starting beef over the innocuous that should’ve quickly been forgotten,
Silent treatments would last for weeks if not months, how the fuck did it come to this?
When previously disagreements ended less than 24-hours later with a hug and a kiss.
And we’re here again, under the same roof but mentally stranded on our own islands,
Unwilling to call for help knowing that the other would be the one to come and get us,
But someone had to give, eventually, she lowered her defences first,
Tried to be the bigger person, extended the olive branch but I just wasn’t reaching for it,
Her apologies went unheard, her gestures of goodwill unaccepted,
Worked my ass off only to be bollocked and disrespected, playing with matches will get you incinerated,
She started it and I’m gonna finish it and I have every intention of extending it,
Hopefully to drive the message home, finally, that messing with me is one of life’s biggest follies,
One month deep now, this silent treatment, the longest that our cold wars had ever lasted,
‘Goodnight, My Love’ and all her other sentiments went unanswered save for contemptuous pre-sleep grunting.
The next day played out the same way with a continued deafening silence between us,
Up early but she’d left ahead of me, went on our respective hustles, to be unhappily reunited later,
That’s when the script was flipped, life ground to a screeching halt,
Just reached home, why wasn’t she around? Then came the fateful call,
Several unanswered calls in my phone, how did I miss ‘em? Face-palmed myself before addressing this latest caller,
It was her mother, hysterical on the other end,
A fool on the booze had crossed into her lane, the collision catastrophic and head to head,
The aftermath a big mess, traffic piling on both lanes,
The carnage left no survivors, time seemed to hit the brakes,
She ceased to exist, just like that, here this morning but gone later on,
The beef remains unresolved, no fences mended, the pain a special type of hell as you can imagine,
Can’t even recall what we’d gone to war over, it’s been more than a month ago,
In the grand scheme inconsequential, should’ve ended it but instead extended it, fuelled by pettiness and ego,
Blinded by pride, didn’t tell her I loved her the previous night, didn’t even kiss her good night,
I guess I was asking for it, the regret and heartbreak I’ll take them to my grave,
Sickening realisations following personal tragedy beating me down like Calzaghe did Lacy,
That I took her and our union for granted, failed to fulfil those vows,
To be there for one another, through good times and bad, she was a keeper, best I ever had, what will I do now?
Now two months later I’m still picking up the pieces,
Staring at the man in the mirror through eyes of bitterness and hatred,
Day by day cursing him for choosing feelings over what’s important, ‘fuck you and your fucking dramas, you selfish motherfucker!”
“She’s the best thing that ever happened to ya, a blessing that came your way like no other, you never deserved her and now you done lost her,”
A warning to you, Dear Reader, the words of Buddha stand the test of time,
‘Anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other to die,’
Grudges ain’t meant to be held for too long, better drop it quick if you wish to move on,
For grown adults such behaviour’s unbecoming, if you’re still prone to it you need some serious soul-searching,
Life gets shorter as your age grows longer, why dawdle in the same old chapters?
Time moves inexorably, best you keep up and move on swiftly,
Once it’s gone it’s gone forever, this ain’t no video game shit, no such thing as do-overs,
Tomorrow ain’t promised to anyone, that should motivate you to hug your loved ones,
Don’t let anything get between y’all, especially not the pointless and the trivial,
Never go to bed mad, especially at your fam, they’re the only ones you have, cherish their company while you can,
On that note I’ll soldier on, cold and forlorn, spare me your pity and scorn, I know I deserve to live the rest of my days alone.