Someone Else’s Catch

The sun beats down over the park, another glorious day at hand,

The cool breeze in the air compellin’ the tall trees to a gentle dance,

Birds soar through the sky, looking down at the strange earthbound juveniles,

The offspring of those strange humans running and frolicking,

Keeping the adults entertained and laughing but sometimes testing their patience,

Among the young families, weekend warriors and retired couples a lone figure’s emerged from his rabbit hole,

Attracted by the picturesque outdoors, a welcome change from the hermit life indoors,

Left the apartment, dressed in plain shirt and slacks, sunglasses on and hair slicked back,

Thirty minutes to be spent wandering, maybe forty max before returning,

Nature sure is invigorating, enhanced by the healing touch of sun,

‘Perfect day for a walk’, thought he as he filled his parched lungs,

Made his way to the park where the party seemed to take place,

Fortunate that it’s still mid-morning, surely by afternoon there’ll be very little space,

Circled the vast patch of greenery within the concrete jungle of the city,

Three full laps should suffice, consider this a dose of weekend exercise,

Passed the obstacle course where the young performed like monkeys in the circus,

Hanging, swinging and jumping, occasionally got their parents panicking,

Joggers comin’ from all directions, made like Roadrunner with no signs of slowin’

‘Mirin’ the flowers and trees, their movement’s mesmerizin’ dictated by the wind’s constant blowin’,

Meditated over the fountain at the center, on which stood several sculptures posin’ for photographers,

Buskers doing their thing nearby as kids prowl the fountain wanting to touch the muscled marble warriors posing with drawn weapons,

Our walker trudges towards a glade of trees lined with benches, found one that’s vacant,

Sat down and started meditating, happily on his lonesome among fellow weekenders,

Unaware his momentum was about to be rocked, rolled, shaken then flipped over,

She came from out of nowhere, sat on the same bench, away from him, mind you, way out the opposite end,

Blocked off the world through plugged ears, head bouncing gently to a tune that only she can hear,

Wearing a pink long-sleeve despite the warmth of the sun, shiny raven hair tied into a bun,

Fringe held back by a clip, away from her eyes, lips a bright red and her skin a pearl-white,

Several vacant spots nearby, why sit in one already taken?

Paid her no mind at first, he went out for relaxation and not socializin’,

Let her and the rest carry on while he minds his own business,

His powers of resistance were soon challenged and her scent was the catalyst,

Sweet and fruity yet hardly nauseating, slowly he turns and observes her movements,

Playin’ with her phone she seemed oblivious, occasionally looked ‘round all directions,

Relieving the stiffness in her neck and back, waiting for a friend, perhaps?

Her head bobbing to the beats within her plugs, her upper body dancing too,

The hair bun shook slightly as she hummed, gotta admit it’s kinda cute,

Couldn’t deny these feelings, she’s the flame and he the proverbial moth,

After years of flying solo he might have found a potential co-pilot,

Tried to gather his train of thought, time to get back on course,

‘You’re on the brink of derailment,’ muttered he, ‘full steam ahead and floor it!’

Had no intention of fishing but one can’t predict the ocean’s patterns,

Maybe her presence is a sign, it’s now or never, he’d be foolish not to seize this moment,

‘What’cha gotta lose?’ asked his inner voice, ‘man up and talk to her,’

Sounded like a double, the fear of rejection’s a heavy one to bear,

He eyes her once more, just as she looked towards his direction,

Their eyes cross and paralysis hits him, she smiles back in response before playing with her phone again,

Could this be an opening? Suddenly confidence is sky-high, gone are the ever-swirling presence of butterflies,

Gotta shoot his shot or forever wonder what might have been, put it all on the line and go all-in,

Three deep breaths and a silent prayer, summoned all the courage he could muster,

Silenced the nerves by focusing on a potentially brighter future,

But alas, she looked to her left and waved joyfully, jumped to her feet excitedly, ran towards a handsome gentleman and threw her arms around him passionately,

“You’re finally here,” she cried, “Hope you didn’t wait too long,” he replied,

“Not at all,” said she, “well then let’s go,” said he,

Off they went, the gentleman and his lady,

Our guy stands up and heads back, slowly,

Enough of the outdoors, gonna head back inside,

She was someone else’s catch, better luck next time.

Everything I wanted: Strange Bedfellows

Eddie lay in bed, all ten years of age, waiting to drift away,

Recounting the day that was and like all young’uns looking forward to Saturday,

Eyelids feeling heavy now, the sweet embrace of sleep ‘bout to settle in,

Another school day comin’ up tomorrow morning, the interruption was most unwelcome,

In walked Momma, little brother Mario in tow, tears running down his face like he’d just seen a ghost,

Traumatized ‘bout a story teacher read to class, no blood or gore but nevertheless shook him to the core,

‘Can your lil’ brother sleep here tonight?’ asked Ma, ‘something teacher read to ‘im seemed to give him severe trauma,”

There was room for two but Eddie wasn’t having it, all that space taken by the little squirt, he wasn’t goin’ for it,

Then he took one look at Mario’s tears and wobbly mouth before he reluctantly relented,

‘Climb aboard, Bro,’ he invited, ‘but don’t take up space, you kick me once I’ma smack you in the face’,

Lil’ Bro complied and immediately latched on, pulled Big Bro into a tight embrace, that little kid sure is strong,

“Not so tight,” protested Eddie, “I can’t breathe!”

“But I’m scared,” answered Mario, “they’ll kill me in my dreams!”

Too sleepy to wrestle off the kid, got too much pride to tap out,

Then much to his frustration, Kid Brother was the first to go lights out,

How’s he off in Dreamland while his grip remains tight?

Eddie squirmed and shook but couldn’t shake him, try as he might,

Tempted to smack that lil’ fool but fearful of the repercussions, he’ll hear it loud and clear from the parents, little siblings are masters at dobbin’ and snitchin’,

Arms are feeling numb, that kid’s cuttin’ off circulation, gotta do something now ‘fore he runs out of oxygen,

He wriggled like a gator crushed by an anaconda, careful not to knock Mario and wake him,

Limited arm movement meant that legs did most of the heavy lifting,

Miraculously the snake loosened its grip, remained in a deep sleep,

Blood rushed back into Eddie’s limbs before leaving a feeling of needles and pins,

From there he finally drifted off, melatonin finally kicked in,

Another day ended, not quite as expected, gotta get up early to do it all again.

Heavy Hitter’s Burden

Picture this: Two or more kids are play-fighting or playing a rough sport together, one kid gets hit too hard and immediately, their mouth locks open, tears well up in their eyes and they begin a long, weepy, drawn out groan that gets louder and louder until their cries sound like the distress call of a wounded animal that had fallen into a ravine and broken its legs. Quick as a flash and with their once youthful boisterousness now turned into stone-cold horror and panic at the thought of being punished by the adult tasked with looking after them, the kid’s playmates do everything they can to placate the hurt child, apologizing profusely and gently trying to calm them down. When that plan fails they try to coerce their friend into shutting up and adding some empty threat of further bodily harm or stealing a prized possession for good measure. More often than not, though, the only real remedy to the problem is to let the poor kid cry it out until they’ve gotten over the pain – hopefully before the adult in charge catches them and then punishes them for acting the fool.

I’m fairly certain that everyone, as children, had been the hurt kid that cried bloody murder after sustaining a hard knock. Or perhaps they were the guilty child that tried to calm the crying kid down in a panic.
But more than likely, they’ve played both roles.
Me myself, there have been times where I shed a few tears as a kid after being socked too hard while roughhousing with my friends in the playground at school or with my cousins but I can’t say I reached in deep enough into my reservoir of emotions where I completely lost it and caused my playmates to scramble and attempt to shush me. I preferred instead to suppress any pain I felt so as not to give them the satisfaction of having reduced me to a crying, screaming mess though I did let a few tears fall. I mostly saved my emotions for losing while playing video games, missing out on a gaming session or whenever my favorite TV shows were cancelled.

Anyway, there is one particular memory from my childhood that comes to mind when I think about this scenario and on this particular day, I was the panicked kid trying to calm a friend down after our play-fighting went too far. It was lunchtime at school and me and my friend (let’s call him Mark) decided to fight like the characters from Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat, despite the fact that his arm was encased in a sling due to an arm injury he had sustained after falling off his bed a few days earlier. It was the early 1990s and those two games were the talk of the gamer world and we were among those hooked. While I’ve stopped gaming a long time ago, I remain a fan of both series and still follow them to this day.
Common sense would have dictated that Mark should have kept his inner Ryu or Scorpion locked up tight but as a couple of eight-year olds neither him nor I had any semblance of caution and he was probably eager to prove that, even with a wounded wing, he could kick my ass.

It was on.

Ok, Bud. You asked for it.

He had a height and reach advantage over me but what he had in height he lacked in width and girth (he was rather lanky) and so as the shorter kid, I decided that the best way to combat his reach would be to get inside, rough him up and try to wrestle him to ground.
We started off feeling each other out, circling one another like a couple of young wolves preparing to duke it out for leadership of the pack. Mark made the first move as he lunged at me with his healthy arm in an attempt to jab me but I slipped over to the side and grabbed him and we ended up wrestling and grappling one another, trying to force the other to yield. He was coming at me with everything he could muster while I was nice enough hold back so as not to accidentally hurt the injured arm. The grappling ended up a stalemate and so we separated before going in for round two and somewhere in that second round our feet became entangled and we began to tumble towards the ground. I reflexively grabbed onto Mark’s bad arm on the way down and in doing so, accidentally jerked it hard as we both hit the ground with a thud.

We both sat up immediately and as I began to dust myself off and check for any cuts or scrapes, I snuck a quick peek at Mark. He was sitting where he had fallen and I watched as his face contorted and tears began to well up in his eyes.
This was not good.
Mark’s mouth quivered before opening wide to turn his whimpering into banshee-like screaming that threatened to alert any teachers on playground duty. Panic immediately set in and I tried to help Mark to his feet, attempting to grab the hand of his healthy arm but he wasn’t having any of it. He yanked his hand away, content to stay on the ground crying and show everyone what I had done to him even though he was a willing participant in the scuffle and was foolish enough to think he could fight while injured. I could only watch in disbelief as he continued to wail.

Man, shut the fuck up! You’re gonna get us both into trouble!

I knelt beside him and apologized, resisting the urge to place both hands over his mouth as he continued howling and sobbing hysterically while rubbing his bad arm.
‘I’m so sorry, man,’ I apologized, ‘I didn’t mean it, it was an accident.’
‘I wish you didn’t do that!’ he shot right back, ‘I think you made my arm worse!’
Well shit, it’s not like I ripped the fuckin’ limb off and more to the point, he should have known better. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Still, I did feel genuine remorse towards him, it sucks to hurt a friend no matter the circumstances.
Luckily, he calmed down after a few minutes of letting his emotions out and I gradually helped him up to his feet before we dusted the dirt off from our uniforms, breathing a sigh of relief that our little commotion didn’t alert a teacher or any other student wanting to play the snitch. Neither of us were the type to hold a grudge and once the adrenaline had calmed down and Mark’s tears had well and truly dried out we were all laughs and jokes again although round three would have to wait for another day. The rest of the day went by smoothly and by the end of it, our little tussle was ancient history.

Yeah, that’s one of the most vivid memories I have of long, agonized, screaming crying that comes with being hit too hard by a sibling or friend during mock-fighting, a staple of many funny childhood memories. Mark and I sadly went our separate ways following primary school and I haven’t seen or heard from him since, though I did reunite with a mutual friend of ours a few years ago (let’s call this friend Andy). It was during another friend’s bachelor party at a strip club and Andy happened to be one of the guests.
Of all the settings to run into an old friend, huh?
Anyway where was I?…..Ok, after the strippers at the club did their thing and they were in intermission, Andy told me – or rather, shouted at me over the loud music – that he, too, had lost touch with Mark but still got to see him get married and then become a father before they drifted apart.

‘Good for him,’ I thought. I was glad to know he got his own happy ending.

Mark and I probably wouldn’t even recognize each other now if we crossed paths and I’m sure he had long forgotten about that little scrap of ours from when we were a couple of rambunctious eight-year olds doing our best impersonations of Ken and Ryu and I unintentionally tugged on his injured arm and made him cry.

But I haven’t!

One Hour Reflection

Listenin’ to the rain outside pourin’ as it hammers pitter-patterin’ over the ceilin’,

Blockin’ the wondrous stars everlastin’ as described by Banjo Paterson,

Reflectin’, meditatin’ and thinkin’ ‘bout the world that we’re livin’ in, Covid cases that keep on spikin’ and jumpin’,

Pandemic returned with a vengeance, reckless fools done wrecked it for others, had one job to do but got too damn complacent,

Second wave was expected, ain’t no vaccine or cure had been found yet, somewhat frustratin’ but don’t wanna get caught by this virus,

Wonderin’ if panic buyers are re-starting their engines, ready for a rematch at Woolworths, if the bored and famous are plannin’ an encore performance of a tune by John Lennon,

Protesters are still ragin’, Black Lives Matter they still chantin’, a whole nation’s divided, the fallout’s still persistin’,

Racists still blamin’ Asians for the virus, attackin’ frontliners handlin’ their business,

People still showin’ their true colors, it’s an ugly shade of twisted and fucked-up mixed with heavy doses of ignorance,

Sucks to live with a medical condition being forced back into isolation, ain’t whinin’ or complainin’ but it’s still kinda disheartenin’,

Good days and bad days are inevitable, just gotta keep the head above water, though some days feels like I’m treadin’, going under and drownin’,

But got too much pride for quittin’, gotta keep on goin’ and stay fightin’, often times optimistic I’m feelin’, just gotta count all of the blessings,

Ain’t starvin’ or homeless, still healthy and active, ain’t suffered severe losses and grievances, no point entertainin’ the beasts of anxiety and depression,

Gotta stay patiently waitin’, prepare for the moment that’s comin’, this storm’s just passin’, ain’t permanent, in tough times gotta choose a mindset that’s winnin’.

7 Seconds: Open Your Damn Eyes

Going on three months in lockdown, virus is slowing but gotta stay cautious,
So near yet so far uncertainty overshadows the foreseeable future,
Led to a spontaneous combustion of emotions, that stove been left unattended,
Once that pot starts bubblin’ better brace for the explosion,
It’s tit for tat between world leaders like some twisted game of tennis,
While the bored and desperate go stir-crazy, sick of living like prisoners,
But spare a thought for victims of the fucked-up and the ignorant,
Mankind’s infected with serious shortcomings, twenty-twenty was a harsh reminder,
We’re talking ‘bout this evil thing called racism where differences in appearances trigger disturbances,
Should’ve been left in the dark ages but it’s persisting despite so-called progress,
Manifesting during times of trouble, bringing out the worst in others,
In this Brave New World two major events exposed peoples’ true colors,
The pandemic drew the bigoted from their caves like the proverbial moths to that flame,
While elsewhere the dam exploded and society’s drowning following another senseless killing.

Jacked-up on fear and substances, the ignorant blasting all Asians for this virus,
Flashed back to past outbreaks and plagues that saw different minorities blamed,
Check out ‘Frisco in the early nineteen-hundreds, Bubonic Plague saw the Chinese Exclusion Act strengthened,
Back to the present and Yellow Peril’s reincarnated,
Childish playground shit, all corners pointing fingers on certain students, no one gives a fuck, not even the teachers,
Cowards scared to swim deep so they stay in shallow waters, victims are prosecuted based on appearances,
The elderly abused and pushed around, young ones threatened and harassed,
Asian faces triggering frothing racists, even when they got that facemask strapped,
Yet sparing the full-grown and strong, saving hands, saliva and insults for the vulnerable and old,
Bullies duckin’ and dodgin’ the smoke, the cowardice is something to behold,
Scare tactics and fear mongering spreadin’, slapped onto store windows and news headlines,
While Donnie and his homies are slingin’ comments that are inflammatory and asinine,
Peep at how they reportin’ on this virus, Asian faces splashed on screens and newspapers,
Treating ‘em like Emmanuel Goldstein, Is it coincidence or they stokin’ emotions?
There’s a Cold War between nations over who’s responsible yet the spread was a global team effort,
Doctors from ground zero silenced by communists but their warnings went unheeded until after that virus ran rampant,
Open your damn eyes and minds, take a look around and stop the hate,
Y’all fools are part of the problem and not the solution, that virus don’t discriminate.

Elsewhere in the Divided States, different day but the same old bullshit,
Emancipation should’ve ended it but oppression went another direction,
Demonizing ‘em with harmful stereotypes, denying ‘em privileges that others take for granted,
Slapping ‘em with stiffer sentences for serious charges while lighter offenders can get off with something lesser,
The police swore an oath to serve and protect, for some that should’ve come with a fuckin’ asterisk,
Where in the handbook does it permit y’all to stop, harass and search ‘em for no reason besides skin color?
And if arrest is warranted why are y’all roughing ‘em and killing ‘em even if they ain’t resisting?
Not hating on all carrying badges, the majority perform their duties admirably,
But when bad seeds get away with bad deeds the masses ain’t gonna take it lightly,
Thinking ‘bout Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd and other victims of this one-sidedness,
Black kids can’t play cops and robbers without being mistaken for the latter,
The system’s broken, simmering tensions and frustration are a toxic combination,
The fallout is gnarly, shades of Watts and L.A. in ’65 and ’92, respectively,
But don’t get ‘em twisted, protestors ain’t rioters,
But they’re omitted from the TV news ‘cuz chaos guarantees more ratings and views,
Looters come in all races but selective editing focus on darker faces like they dictating who to blame for this,
But ya gotta wonder who’s in it for the mission or just taking advantage of the situation,
How’s robbing and looting helping while the economy’s struggling?
Y’all are harming the innocent, wrecking businesses owned by they whose lives need defending,
How’s two wrongs gonna equal solution? What good will come from this destruction? Can’t condone these fuckin’ riots, y’all went too far with this,
But the rage is understandable, been four hundred-plus yet the bullshit’s still happening,
They’re crying ‘All Lives Matter’ with conviction but some lives remain disposable,
‘Riots are the language of the unheard’ quoted Dr. King, but also noted they’re self-defeatin’,
Gotta be exhausting explaining to your children the dangers they’ll be facing due to their darker complexion,
Open your damn eyes, stop, think and open your minds and stop the hate,
Look beyond colors and quit judging, ‘cuz underneath we all bleed the same.

On and on it goes this twisted, toxic mindset,
Arabs slammed by the masses for every terrorist incident since nine-eleven like they as a collective started ‘em,
Labeled as troublemakers like black men in America, media hysteria helped fuel that skirmish in Cronulla,
Hispanics dismissed as gangsters, drug dealers and illegals with falsified papers, so vociferous are Don and his rabid supporters,
Africans in China attacked as virus carriers while the world slaps Asians with similar accusations,
Could go on and on with examples and all races are susceptible,
That includes White folks, deemed the face of the human race blessed with special privileges,
But you’d be naïve to believe that it can’t also be a hindrance,
Can’t offer certain opinions without being labeled ignorant and entitled,
Can’t act or dress in certain ways without staring misappropriation charges in the face, 
Condemnation awaits if they attack other races but flip the script barely an eyebrow’s raised,
Met with cynicism in the realms of ballin’, fightin’ and rappin’, privilege sure has failed ‘em,
Twenty deep in the third millennium but fools remain wandering in the desert,
At the mercy of the vultures, the powers that be that should’ve known better.

Heard it all before, excuses from the judgmental and bigoted, flipping faster than Greg Louganis whenever they’re confronted,
‘I got a spouse or friend’ from whatever race or culture they’re hatin’, nobody’s buying it,  you never should have started,
‘I don’t feel comfortable with ‘em,’ bullshit, harden up and get to know ‘em rather than jumping to conclusions,
‘They’re all the same,’ says you, your prejudice serves  to generalize and defame, Fool,
A global utopia remains a pipe dream, as elusive as Lasseter’s Reef,
The curse is deeply rooted, survived for so long probably won’t fade into oblivion,
Not all are open to education, can’t wait for ‘em forever and nothing comes out of coercion,
They are beyond your control, it’s better to start small when it comes to long-term goals,
Work on yourself first to help heal this world,
Put an end to prejudice and embrace one another’s differences,
Hatred is learned behavior, teach children love in addition to reading, writing and proper manners,
The world has enough bullies so don’t you go planting seeds,
If All Lives Matter then it’s about time we lived it, no more unequal distributions of justice,
Quit blaming others for the sins of the stupid, spare your wrath for the culprits that deserve it,
Ignore the irresponsible unless you want to join the foolish and gullible, stereotypes and propaganda are a rotten motherfucker,
To the racist and bigoted, it’s high time y’all changed your ways,
They’re in disarray, enslavin’ you to acts of hate as you stay choking on those chains,
Open your damn eyes and stop the hate, strip away race, cultures and backgrounds we’re all the same,
We’re all part of the human race, the sooner it sinks can real changes take place.

Start Today

Alarm rings, fumbled for it in pitch black,
Early wake-ups are no fun but gotta get an early jump before the sun’s up,
Grip’s still sleeping, phone seems slicker than oil as it slips onto the mattress,
Blind instinct takes over from eyes still unadjusted to the darkness,
Trudging to the bathroom, splashed cold water on these craggy features,
Ray of light bouncin’ off the mirror, reflection within got you squirmin’,
This old vessel’s sailed one too many voyages, the wear and tear’s evident,
The ocean once seemed endless, now the port’s visible in the distance,  
Hit you like a gut shot from Tyson, hourglass was tricklin’ now it’s pourin’,
Yearning for a breather, just want to hit the pause button,
Or at least get back on play, someone stop fuckin’ with the fast-forward,
Your hands must be numb, can’t feel the remote that you’re controllin’,
Hit pause then rewind, zip back to years long gone,
You are the captain of this ship, only you alone can right the wrongs.

Through the eyes of innocence the world’s a magical place,
Surroundings seemed straight out of sci-fi, the concrete jungle with tall buildings stretching sky-high,
Mountains and fields were straight out of picture books that Teacher read to the class in between grinding hard for a piece of paper that said you passed,
Lived in dreary suburbia, for you it was utopia, away from the confines of school fun times lasted forever,
But time was ever-present, worked in silence and prowling unnoticed,
Revving up slowly, creepin’ like a predator that you never saw coming,
Took off like Roadrunner, Wile E. didn’t have a prayer,
Now you’re grown up and bewildered trying to keep it all together,
Seen enough of this world, curiosity faded from your make-up,
Know-how and wisdom co-existing with stress and anxiety plus a decline in physicality,
Terrible teens and roaring twenties they quickly came and went,
Past the point of quarter-life crisis, not quite ready for mid-life, greying strands suggest you’re drifting from life’s morning and closer to night,
Panicked tunes are ringing, on loop the crescendo’s rising,
Countdown’s on, time to leave this hole in which you’re slowly decomposing.

Different day, same shit, nothing new, same tired fucking routine,
Get up and work, go home and sleep, eat, rest and move in between,
Runnin’ ragged on that treadmill but circumstances can’t bear the full brunt,
You were given legs and free will at birth but you stay put like a horse stuck in mud,
You used to be so brazen, bold, daring and resilient as a street urchin,
Climbed up the highest slides in the playground, beat your chest like you were King Kong, slid down on your belly, hands first like Superman towards the sand box,
Graduated to hormone-fuelled hedonism a decade later, fooled with the opposite gender while trying different substances,
Made it out alive, the scars and stories remain, younger generations can’t accuse you of being lame,
It was various escapades twenty-four-seven, you could’ve been the spawn of Hunter S. Thompson,
Motley Crue would’ve saluted you, childhood buds idolized you and in adulthood they still do,
But they’d surely be disappointed at what had become of you,
The animal that they knew, it’s unrecognizable as you’re wasting away like some lifeless fool,
Slavin’ for bread, kissing ass to eat at the table, talk about misguided servitude, you played yourself like a fiddle,
Wanna slow time? View the world once more through a child’s eyes,
Keep searching and learning, your mind’s been softening for a long while,
Spice things up, expand that memory bank, muscles can plateau without switching up training plans,
Kids give everything a shot, passed or failed before moving onto something different,
Just like pint-sized Marco Polos they are always down for exploring,
Grown-ups are shackled by fear and bullshit rules, customs and expectations in their damn minds, kids take on all comers fearlessly, even if they might stumble and fall a few times.

Scrap that daily routine, be like Jordan and slam dunk it into the trash,
Rearrange or start fresh, pop that neuralizer like they do in Men In Black.
Travel and see the world, talk to strangers and get to know ‘em,
Swap stories like soldiers on break, you just might find a few kindred spirits,
Learn a new language, that would surely expand that cranium,
Test yourself in a new setting, enjoy it even if you can only remember how to order chicken,
Not ready to go big? That’s cool, little steps are better than zero,
Still beats putting up with monotony and coming full circle in a hurry,
Read a new book, listen to new tunes, give that hair a new do,
Send that dominant hand on vacation and give its lazy co-worker a promotion,
Begin again and keep evolving, keep that body and mind challenged,
Be curious and live forever young, add more years and enjoy it,
‘Cuz ain’t nothing scarier than regret, that window’s limited no matter how wide it’s opened,
The past is gone, the future ain’t promised, start today and get right on it,
That ship will reach port to send you to the next level, can’t duck and dodge it forever, it’s inevitable,
Aim to stand tall at the pearly gates to proudly declare that you’d earned it.

Thinking About You: In My Mother’s Shoes

Somehow, some way, this song by Frank Ocean took me back to ’95,
Autumn break from school, the air was cool even as the sun was in bloom,
Carefree as any ten year old while temporarily paroled,
From school not juvy, but for the immature mind it might as well be,
I was home on this day, in between gaming messing ‘round with Lil’ Sis,
Grandma played sitter, Pops was working while Mom’s out buying groceries,
Childhood innocence, now long-gone, looking back with misty-eyed nostalgia,
Smiling at the memories as life sails inexorably towards the future,
Let’s take a walk in Momma’s shoes, relive a rather odd moment,
Unremarkable, to be sure, but not one soon to be forgotten

Another day of groceries, stay-at-home duties ain’t one big jamboree,
Still workin’, not just chillin’, when the kids are home it’s pure insanity,
Headed out early before the place lit up like a college party,
Found a good parking space, near the entrance, coveted by every harried shopper,
Got the essentials, fruits, veg, grains, meats and the necessary condiments,
Got a house full of eaters, kids are growing and don’t get me started on my husband,
Forty-five spent traipsing through the aisles, checkin’ sales and clearances,
Lined up at the check-out, took care of business and feeling triumphant,
Pushed the trolley towards the car, parking lot’s full and I’ve been spotted,
An eagle-eyed driver’s ghosting to take my spot, waiting to pounce like a lion,
Put all the bags in the back then drove outta there and that was that,
More cars are coming like the peak of the school run, parking lot’s about to get a lot more fun.

Reached a set of lights about five minutes from home,
Quickly turned red and stayed that way for much longer than the norm,
Another car ahead of me, several behind lined up like train carriages,
Taking deep breaths and wondering why this red’s taking ages,
Finally turned green, gotta head home to fix lunch and dinner,
But the fool out front’s stuck in unexplained inertia,
One second passes, no movement, two and three go by,
Four then five, dude’s still napping, time to give the ol’ horn a try,
Blasted it hard, others followed suit, louder than a 21-Gun Salute,
He snaps out the trance in shock, jumps up and throws his hands up,
His left clutching a dirty magazine, had a half-naked temptress featured on the cover,
Well that explains why that fool’s focus went straight under,
Quick as a rocket, fuelled by shame he revs up the engine,
Gunned that ride hard, high tailed it like he was Louis Hamilton,
Some folks are loco but gotta give him points for honesty,
Reached home, finally, that hour seemed to go smoothly.

There you have it, another random blast from the past,
Still has me laughing now, even if Momma was the one that witnessed it,
So next time you’re stuck in traffic, Son,
Trapped behind some chump that refuses to budge,
Give ‘em a honk and you just might see that they are off with the fairies at some other place that they’d rather be.

Then And Now

I don’t watch TV now as much as I did as a kid, during the years when The Simpsons was still the best damn show on the tube, Ross and Rachel were trying to wrap their heads around what being ‘on a break’ meant and Kenny was meeting his maker in a variety of truly twisted ways but if there’s one thing that I’ve noticed on the rare occasion that I tune in now it’s that the quality of TV ads seem to have plummeted faster than whatever credibility Ja Rule had left following the Fyre debacle. I hate to sound like an old-timer but back in my day TV ads were far more memorable and some even reached iconic status and quite frankly I don’t see any of that happening with many of the commercials circulating on the airwaves lately.

No disrespect intended towards anyone. Save the hate mail for another day.

Four ads from my youth and teenage years come to mind when I think about the most memorable TV commercials that I’ve ever seen, the first being two old TV commercials for Tim Tams that made the rounds on TV during the 1990s. Back then, Tim Tam ads normally involved a muscular, dark-skinned male genie or magician summoning a pack of Tim Tams to satisfy their co-star’s sweet tooth and if said co-star happens to be a woman he will usually share the chocolates with her in a rather seductive and intimate manner. Woe be to her significant other if she happened to have one because that poor guy is usually made to be some type of sacrificial lamb, hilariously vanquished at the woman’s request before she and that hot, strong hunk of burning love (I can’t believe I wrote that!) are free to share the biscuits together.

A hunky black male in a rather sensual and provocative advertisement for chocolate? Geez! No points for guessing for which audience those ads were geared towards.

The first ad involved a young couple sharing a pack of Tim Tams together and stumbling upon a genie’s lamp that is rubbed by the man, awakening a genie decked out in black robe and cap plus a gold neck chain and earrings, giving him the appearance of an African prince. The man immediately surmises that they are both entitled to three wishes and so he rather abruptly commands the genie to set him up on a date with 90s It Girl Kimberley Davies, prompting the genie to summon her from out of thin air. Kim then rudely snatches the last Tim Tam from the pack held by the girl, causing her to spitefully wish that she and her now ex-boyfriend ‘take a hike’ and so the genie instantly banishes them both. Now alone with the girl, and perhaps sensing that she will wish for his freedom the way Aladdin did for the genie at the end of the Disney film and then perhaps a date, the genie smiles as the girl prepares to make a third and final wish. Much to his chagrin, it is simply for a never-ending pack of Tim Tams.

Maybe next time, Bud.

The second Tim Tam ad was for Tim Tam Fingers, a thinner variation of their famous chocolate biscuit – and one that would most likely be banned if it was in circulation on TV screens today. In this ad a girl and a shirtless and muscular magician are seductively sharing a pack of Tim Tam fingers that he had summoned from out of thin air. Just as things are about to head towards the early stages of foreplay between the pair they are suddenly interrupted by the girl’s livid ex-boyfriend (who was most likely banished in an earlier ad that I might have missed), who returns home dressed in full Siberian gear after having spent the last year or so exiled in Vladivostok. Finding his now-ex being flirty with the magician (who, in this ad, resembles a young David Haye), he sarcastically tells her (or rather, shouts at her) that Vladivostok was a blast and then, upon spotting the Tim Tam fingers, takes one and angrily bites into it while asking, ‘So what is going on here? And since when did Tim Tams come in fingers!?’

My young, dumb self might have been too naïve to catch onto the sexual connotations in those ads back then but I still remember them today. Well played, y’all. Well played!

Another ad that I remember is a commercial for Rolos chocolates that circulated on the screens in 1995. The first half of the commercial is set in bygone years (probably the 1960’s) and in it, a young boy is taking a stroll through a zoo while chomping on some Rolos when he spots an elephant calf following its mother as they wander about in their enclosure. With a mischievous twinkle in his eye he approaches the enclosure and tempts the calf by holding out one of the chocolates. Just as the calf is about to take it into its trunk the boy suddenly shoves it into his mouth before taunting the dejected calf.
The second half projects to the present day. The boy, now a man, is watching a circus street parade while chewing on Rolos when he feels a tap on his shoulder. Upon turning his head a massive elephant’s trunk swats him across the face, comically knocking him to the ground dazed and confused. The elephant, an adult version of the calf that he had taunted many years before, mockingly roars in his direction before marching on with the rest of the parade.

The tagline for that ad? ‘Rolos….too good to share.’ Bravo, message received and many laughs had. Extra points, too, for playing on the ‘elephants never forget’ saying.

The third ad was one for Heinz baked beans from 1996. In it, a teenager and his younger brother are home alone for the night and the older brother is preparing a late afternoon snack for them both while also chatting on the phone to his girlfriend (side note: he was talking to her through a chordless landline, not a cellphone. It was the 1990s and so cellphones were still reserved for professionals and rich folks). As he is speaking his brother is sitting on the dining table, bored out of his mind to the point where he thinks that his brother is speaking to him.
Big Brother tells his girlfriend, “I was thinking of making something special for dinner tonight.”
Little Brother, believing that Big Brother was addressing him, responds with, “Cool, what is it?”
Big Brother then places a bowl of baked beans with sausages on the table. An excited Little Brother exclaims, “Heinz Baked Beans with sausages? How special is that!?”
Big brother continues to talk on the phone as he places a bowl of baked beans with meatballs on the table. Little Brother’s eyes light up even brighter.
“Heinz Baked Beans with meatballs too!? Um, which one is mine?”
Big Brother, on the phone with his girlfriend, tells her, “Oh I don’t mind we can share.”
Little Brother, still thinking that his brother is addressing him, asks “can I have both of them?”
Big Brother, on the phone, responds to a random question from his girlfriend with “Um, YEP, SURE THING!”
That was all that Little Brother needed to hear. He begins eating from both bowls as his brother wraps up the phone conversation. Big Brother then snatches one of the bowls from Little Brother and angrily asks, “What are you doing, you pig!?”

Absolutely hilarious!

And I feel hungry for a bowl of beans every time I watch it, too.

The fourth and final ad is for McDonalds that I recall from my high school years, in the years 2000 or 2001. In it, Ronald McDonald is a participant in a karate class with a group of children and the Sensei presents him with three tests; the first is to break a board, which he accomplishes by flying towards the board as though he is going to kick it but instead flicking it in half with his finger. The next is to ‘crack the code’, which involved rearranging magnetic letters on a whiteboard to spell ‘McDonalds,’ and then finally to crack some walnuts which he accomplishes by picking up the nuts with nutcrackers in each hand and wielding them around while whooping and hollering as though he were Bruce Lee playing with nunchucks before cracking the walnuts open.
Yeah, that one always had me in stitches but I did also wonder how Ronnie could have scored a pass when he clearly cheated on the last test.

Me thinks Sensei is running a McDojo.

There were many other ads that I remember fondly other than the four I’d mentioned, a list of ‘honorable mentions’ if you will. Decore shampoo and conditioner and The Good Guys sampled the hit songs ‘YMCA’ and ‘Good Vibrations’, respectively, for their TV ads back in the day. Austalian Bananas came up with a catchy tune that promoted the golden fruit as ‘Making Bodies Sing’. Yellow Pages added the catchphrase ‘Not HAPPY, JAN’ into the Australian vernacular. The ad for M&M’s have evolved from involving a duo of anthrophomorphic Red and Yellow M&Ms trying to avoid being eaten by humans to the pair and their different colored friends still on the run from those monstrous humans, and after all these decades the ads for Aeroplane Jelly and Vegemite from way before my time, as well as their catchy songs, have not faded from the public’s consciousness. Not all may remember the lyrics to the songs but ask just about any grown Australian adult (even from Generation Y) about the ad for Aeroplane Jelly or Vegemite and more often than not they will know exactly what you are referring to.
Such is the power of effective TV advertisements. When done correctly they not only effectively promote the product and grab people’s attention but they can also become synonymous with the brand, withstand the test of time and even go all the way to reach iconic status.

That’s the way you build a lasting legacy, Kids.

Which brings us back to TV ads today and my earlier statements regarding a regression in quality is hammered hard into my ears whenever I see – or rather, hear – the TV ad for Allianz Car Insurance. To summarize, the ad informs their audience that their comprehensive car insurance will ‘guarantee all authorized repairs.’ The ad then shows a mechanic handing a woman back the keys to her vehicle, now fixed and restored to good-as-new. The mechanic happily informs her that she is ‘good to go.’
‘Looks great,’ she responds.
That’s when all hell breaks loose.
As he gives her back her keys, the mechanic breaks out into a long, drawn, irritating chorus of ‘AAAAAAHHHHHHHH……’ and is soon joined by his fellow mechanics as though they were singing the opening notes of a Broadway musical. Shoot, even the damn dog in the calendar on the wall joins in.
Once everyone has shut the hell up the woman simply responds with ‘thanks’ before driving off satisfied.

Why the long chorus of ‘AAAAAHHHHH…..’ you ask? Well, it’s because the tagline is that their satisfied customers will get that ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAA….llianz feeling’ and well, you can too.

Bullshit. The only reaction I get is “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH…….SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!”

Nothing against the company but yeah, I’m sorry, they lost me with that ad. When your commercials causes one to squirm uncomfortably on the spot as though they are listening to a long, drawn out recording of nails scratching on a blackboard you need to have a good look at yourselves. If they wanted to give that ad more pizazz they should have allowed that ‘AAAAAAHHHHH…..’ to go somewhere beyond sheer infernal noise, maybe into a revised rendition of the opening number for ‘OKLAHOMA’ with lyrics that are geared towards Allianz and the services that they offer. They could have turned the mechanic’s garage into a glittering stage with choreography and dance moves from the mechanics and the satisfied client thrown into the mix.
Hell, even that dog from the calendar could have come to life, leaped out from the wall and then ran around the set in circles. Everyone loves a good dog!
The musical number can end with everyone in some sort of post-dance pose, a position everyone holds for about two seconds before the customer breaks character, thanks the mechanics before driving off. At this point the mechanics and staff are still posing and someone randomly asks “can we relax now?”
“Ok, everyone, back to work” someone responds from the back.
The mechanics then break their poses and resumes their normal duties, thus ending the ad.
THAT would have been a kick-ass advertisement. Cheesy as hell but still a lot more fun than the one that they have on air right now.

Ads like that always have me wondering at what point did the trains run off the rails. I don’t know about y’all but to me, most TV ads today seem over-produced, at times over-acted and there is a lack of memorable taglines and slogans. There has also been a decline in catchy songs, jingles and jokes (although the jingle for the Vodafone ad gets stuck in my head for days whenever I hear it so there’s an exception) and in the case of that Allianz ad, just too weird and irritating although I have to give them points for being unforgettable in some way. I don’t work in the advertising sector but I do know that how a customer reacts to advertisements is kind of a big deal and this is especially important for TV ads as they have a very wide reach and so are an effective way to draw more customers into a business, kind of like casting a wide net out into the ocean to reel in more fish rather than just relying on boring old fishing lines. Even if you attract customers strictly because of the ads that they watched on TV, well, that’s still more money for the business, mission accomplished. You just need to not mess that shit up by following through with what you promised.

Nobody likes a con artist.

You know, my mother used to babysit our family friends’ children when my sister and I were young. What did she say in exasperation whenever they truly acted the fool?
“I think you guys should stop eating too many bananas. It’s making your body sing too much.”
Anyone that has seen the old commercial for Australian Bananas would know exactly what she was referring to and such a line only made them – plus my sister and I – laugh our heads off. If that’s not effective marketing then I don’t know what is.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that each and every recent TV advertisement sucks. There are some currently on the airwaves that are quite entertaining and three in particular stand out for me. The AAMI Insurance ad that involved a man, his girlfriend and best friend returning home from a concert only to find that thieves had made off with his beloved wall-mounted moose head always cracks me up. Those Compare The Market ads featuring Alexandr The Meerkat are usually quite hilarious even if Alexandr’s Russian accent seems to fade more and more with each ad and that Dare Iced Coffee ad featuring a new father contemplating on naming his newborn son ‘Callum Murray’ before he comes to his senses thanks to the coffee has me giggling and shaking my head in disbelief.

Why do I appreciate these ads? Well, to me they are beautifully acted, funny and had gimmicks to play off of. The protagonist in that AAMI ad was spot on with his facial expressions and reactions throughout, from when he was showing off the moose head to his friend, his wide-eyed shock upon his girlfriend informing him that they’d been robbed all the way to his joyful, Christmas-came-early reaction when an AAMI Insurance spokeswoman shows up at the front door with a replacement moose head. It also helped that he resembled a shorter, chunkier version of Borat, further upping his standing in the ‘funny-looking-dudes’ stakes.
As for Compare The Market, a Russian meerkat as a mascot? Geez, that’s random, who would have ever thought of that!? Combine that with his funny voice and a snappy script (although some of the ads are admittedly kinda corny) and you have an ad with some punch.
That Dare Iced Coffee ad was most likely a jab at celebrities that shamelessly give their children stupid names but also serves as a warning as to what can happen if one makes important decisions while their mind and focus are clouded (in this case, sleepwalking through the day and in dire need of a caffeine hit). The father in the ad (we’ll call him ‘Mr. Murray) thinks of several possible scenarios that can occur for his newborn son in the future with a name like ‘Callum Murray’, including one in which he is pulled over by the police for speeding and another in which his bride laughs in his face upon mentioning his name in her wedding vows. Somehow his mind never ventured towards the strange looks that poor Callum would have had to endure if he worked at a fish & chips shop. After taking a big gulp of the bottle of coffee in his hand Mr. Murray quickly wises up and chooses a more sensible name for his son.

Before closing I thought I’d also throw in a couple more ads for good measure, one that did the rounds on TV about ten or so years ago for the Australian beer brand Carlton Draught and a more recent one for Cadbury chocolates (man, what is it with chocolate ads?). For the Carlton Draught ad, all I have to say are four little words; It’s A Big Ad. Anyone that has seen that ad would know what I am talking about. Go ahead and type those words on YouTube you will find out why I thought it was memorable.
The Cadbury ad involved a young girl entering a corner stone while her single mother, who works long hours to make ends meet for them both, stands outside talking on her phone. This small, blue-eyed innocent little girl asks the rather gruff-looking man behind the counter for a block of chocolate and offers a single coin plus whatever small toys she happened to be carrying in her pockets as payment. The storeowner’s face remains as emotionless as an Easter Island statue as he looks outside and spots the mother talking on her phone but somewhere underneath that layer of menace his heart melts and he accepts the girl’s payment. She then happily runs outside and offers the chocolate to her mother as a birthday gift and they share a tender hug together as a smile finally breaks on the store owner’s face as he watches proudly from behind his counter.
The ad’s slogan? ‘There’s a glass and a half in everyone.’
Man, talk about a real feel-good ad. That one always brings a smile on my face even when I’m having a horrible day.

At the end of the day, this is just one man’s opinion and not everyone will agree. It’s cool, to each their own. But yeah, TV advertisements in general seem to have lost their way, at least compared to those from many years past. I say they should bring back the comedy, the musical numbers via song parodies if need be and of course, the catchy slogans. While there have been ads that were banned from the airwaves due to explicit content (I’m looking at you, KFC) companies shouldn’t be afraid to push boundaries like they did in the past (seriously, those Tim Tam ads were low-key dirty as fuck), nor should they be afraid to let their actors be as loud and quirky where applicable.
Be memorable in a good way. Make sure people remember what they saw and heard for a very long time.
Maybe if all of this happened with regularity then we’ll get more ads that will be remembered long after they’ve been aired.

Ok, now I want some Tim Tams. Which one should I go for?

No Easy Way Out: Thoughts During Lockdown

‘There’s no easy way out, there’s no shortcut home’,
Sung by Robert Teper, real talk with the situation going on,
Sitting here in lockdown, the fast train of life screeched to a halt,
That damn monster’s prowling, that fucking virus, only Lord knows when it’ll stop,
Government ordered a lockdown, it’s risky just to head downtown,
Nationwide curfew threw life to a loop and it ain’t ending any time soon,
Don’t get me wrong, I ain’t whining and complaining,
This born introvert’s sitting, chilling, recharging and thriving,
Times are uncertain, though, can’t deny the presence of nerves,
Squinting and straining to see the future, it’s hazy behind the mist of this virus.

Rewind to Last December, bad news touched down from all directions,
Decade ending on Armageddon, surely, seemed like the world was headed for oblivion,
Spilled into 2020, kicked off in a cacophony of disasters,
Bushfires, drought, floods, earthquakes and volcanic eruptions,
Continuing unrest in Hong Kong, discord within the royals,

The death of a much-loved baller, innocent lives taken by a drunk driver, it’s one tragedy after another,
But they were merely appetizers before the main course,
A savage monster awoke, hit the air guns blazing, spread faster than bad gossip,
Plundered, pillaged, murdered and conquered like a demonic Alexander,
Brought about a new world order, killed more than Adolf, Josef, Idi and Saddam put together.

Watching and listening to this shit on TV and radio, Gotta stay informed but can’t be passive with these media reports.
Facts and sensationalism can intertwine, conspiracy theorists also fighting for air time,
Time travelled back to the years of plagues and wars, it’s a disaster flick in here and we’re all unwilling actors,
Made doubly persuasive by my vulnerability as the doctor be claimin’,
Embracing my inner hermit, on most days I’m keeping it together,
Strong on the surface, not all the way through, immortal words from Chester that rang true,
Nerves, disbelief and anger, throw in some cabin fever, I’m only human sometimes I’m feeling ‘em,
Dumbbells and punching bag be my best therapists under moments of extreme turbulence,
Fresh air, sunlight, music and books as back up when the mind continues stressin’.

Reflecting while meditating to keep the grip of negativity loosened,
Reviewing the situation like Fagin, thinking ‘bout the people affected,
The death toll surpassing millions, condolences to those hit by losses,
Can’t give the departed their proper send-off, such is the cruelty of that fucking monster,
Jobs lost, schools closed, daily life halted, travel plans and celebrations cancelled, all that planning and anticipation came to nothing,
People stuck indoors, that monster poisoned the outdoors, cops gon’ get you for wandering too far,
Feels like Big Bro’s watching, Orwell was 36 off the mark,
Social and economic status don’t mean shit, kings, queens, paupers and commoners are feeling it,
Feelings of superiority are a fool’s errand, the entire population’s a sitting target.

Tough times exposing true colors, the good and the bad,
Masks and facades slippin’ as that monster continued its destructive path,
Stupid selfish morons clearing supermarket shelves like feds on a drug bust,
Left nothing for the disadvantaged as common sense and dignity bit the dust,
Racists and xenophobes emerged from their holes, Asians seen as the enemy,
“Don’t matter where they’re from, they a part of that monster’s army,”
Words of the bigots jacked up on fear and ignorance,
On the same boat as the ones flouting orders ‘cuz they’re too good for isolation,
Body count’s rising, health care pushed to the limit, front liners are exhausted but these fools stay blinded and self-centred,
Degenerates attacking nurses, cops and customer servers, what low life wastes of oxygen,
Don’t wish death on no one but no tears shed if that monster fades ‘em, they will surely deserve it,
Newsflash, fools, we’re all caught in this mess,
Y’all are part of the problem and not the solution, hatin’ and floutin’ will only hamper progress.

But not all are broken, there are heroes within the chaos,
Restoring faith in humanity, the whole race ain’t yet crushed by the obnoxious,
Led by the doctors and nurses and all others in the front line,
Risking it all to help others, it’s tough and it’s lonely but still keeping up the grind,
Scientists around the world working to bring that monster to justice,
Time’s ticking but they march on fuelled by a warrior’s stoicism and defiance,
Acts of kindness from citizens, they ain’t hard to find, from helping the weary and burdened to sparing a few dimes,
Others in lockdown unleashing their inner entertainers, delving deep into their creativity,
Slick and at times kinda cringy but always has the audience cheering vociferously,
Families come together for an extended period, it’s a full house situation,
Kids still need educating, reluctantly or willingly, parents forced into a crash course in teaching,
The lost and soul-searching can find their paths, gotta grab it with both hands,
All distractions cancelled, time to chase the dream, no more excuses,
Working from home as best we could, no need to get up early,
Changes are happening outside, this you have to see,
Nature’s finally healing, where it was once deteriorating,
Smog is lifted, the air is clear, the stars in the night sky are twinkling,
What a role reversal, humanity’s suffering while nature is thriving,
Rivers clearing up, translucent and crystal-like under that sun,
The rain’s finally pouring, fields finally sporting green, like a new season had just begun,
Can’t call that monster a blessing but there’s some good within the pandemic,
For every dark night the moon still shines, seek and you shall find.

2020 looks headed for the pits, can’t wait ‘til it’s over with,
Stronger minds see a gut check, life’s meaningless without overcoming adversity,
Can’t get hung up on shit I can’t control, when you’re stressin’ you’re weakening,
Strong mind and body, faith and positivity be my own Shield of Achilles,
Got hopes for the future once that monster’s finally eradicated,
Reunion with friends and fam are just the tip of the iceberg,
That shit don’t hit the fan once the powers start blame games and finger pointing,
Don’t want leaders going ballistic, it could take us back to forty-five, don’t want or need that kind of strife,
That personal hygiene will remain a priority, that Mother Nature will be respected,
That the scourges of society will be dealt with, put an end to their bullshit,
That freedom and precious time with loved ones will never again be taken for granted,
That we’ll be kinder and more understanding, everyone’s fighting their own battles,
That the affected can heal from tragedy and trauma before rising back up stronger,
That the heroes throughout will be rewarded for their efforts,
2020 looks like another annus horribilis, but from that fire emerges a new generation of warriors,
This is one for the history books, another story to tell the future generations,
Exhaling now, eyes open, all things come to pass including tough times,
We’ll get through this, that monster won’t last, even the fiercest tyrants fade away and die.

Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge: Kurt’s Words

He is my hero, idol, confidant and guide,
That’s my big brother, just an all-round cool guy,
Dropped some truths in between small talk and acting the fool,
Had our share of scuffles but in the end we’re always cool,
He had him a little secret, became a master at hiding it,
Struggled plenty to contain it, reduced his soul to easy pickings,
It all started at 15, the unknown force creepin’ and spreadin’ quickly,
Caught up in a power struggle between madness and sanity,
He radiated sunshine and happiness on the surface,
Masked the dreaded feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness,
External forces played their role but most of it’s internal,
Ain’t no battle tougher than one with the man in the mirror,
Couldn’t do it alone, finally opened up to the parents then the therapist,
Many sessions later, he seemed to have finally tamed those demons.

Fast forward to a few years later, now I’m the one fighting,
The beast was stealthy, infiltrated the fortress, guards must’ve been napping,
Grapplin’ with emotions from both ends of the extreme,
Muscles straining, carrying the weight of psychological fatigue,
On the edge about everything, drowning in nervous premonitions,
Also made-up scenarios and people staring like I’m a fuckin’ freak show,
Can’t trust anyone, got me feeling like a convict on the run,
Tired of looking over my shoulder, this anxiety shit is no fun,
Then some days I’m wondering why bother? Fuck everyone and everything,
A herculean effort’s required to keep going, every step of the way my feet are dragging,
The sky’s bright outside but I only see grey, can’t hear the sound of birds chirping,
This empty void of silence is all-consuming, at times accompanied by muffled screaming,
A prisoner of my own mind, it’s real fucked-up, ain’t it?
Don’t care if the Minotaur kills me, just want out of this labyrinth.

Tried to kill it my own way, through productive and destructive means,
Physical scars, rhymes and works of art the result from venting my spleen,
Still standing somehow, I guess I chose life in the midst of the chaos,
Took the same path as Big Bro and consulted with the pros,
Skittish as a baby deer at first, felt like I was regurgitating in their faces,
But the contents of this bottle are fermented, it’s been sealed for ages,
Time to uncap it, it’s on the verge of explosion, brace yourself here come the confessions.

Back to the present now I’m thriving where I was once surviving,
Can’t say there’s total healing, that’s tantamount to wishful thinking,
Want to part ways with this motherfucker, keep it buried forever,
‘Don’t get your hopes up,’ said Big Bro, ‘the war don’t end for us soldiers,’
That black dog’s still within him, just been slapped with a restraining order,
Might still breach it now and then, that canine defies restrictions,
Hard work, grit and determination, it’s a winning combination,
But the lows must come with the highs, the bright sun won’t always rise,
Perfectly articulated by Kurt, about the irony of all this hurt,
‘I miss the comfort in being sad’, he sang, now Bro’s eyes are tearing up,
Must’ve hit close to home, that oxymoron’s next-level fucked up

Can’t let those lyrics become life, Big Bro warned me to stay woke,
Can’t let the guard down or I’ll end up getting yoked,
‘Therapy will help you, but that beast might never leave you,’
‘Y’all are together for life, like some dysfunctional husband and wife,’
Talk about unholy matrimony but that shit was real spit,
Battled this curse for so long, feels like I’d be naked without it,
Uneasy under the sunshine where the children play, it’s a strange land to which I’m an alien,
In the deep levels of hell and suffering somehow feels like I’m in my element,
There’s still some reliance on that beast, yeah I know that sounds twisted,
Hate to compare it to codependency, but somehow it seems fitting,
It’s a part of my identity, who would I be if it was stripped off completely?
Grateful to experience the glow of happiness, yet the embrace of melancholy brings familiarity,
Maybe I don’t know better, I want to believe I can change,
Working hard day after day but I don’t know how long that’ll take.

“Not all will understand,” warned Big Bro, “They’ll say you’re hung up on some bullshit,”
“That it’s all in your head, suck it up and be done with it,”
“They don’t know what treacherous waters you’d navigated, always so quick to judge,”
“Focus only on yourself, don’t let ‘em bother you too much,”
Lucky to have a battle-tested vet by my side, likewise he know that he’s my ride or die,
Working together to be better than yesterday, we’ll get through this for as long as it takes,
Hopeful of breaking out of that bitter embrace and heading towards better days.