He is my hero, idol, confidant and guide,
That\u2019s my big brother, just an all-round cool guy,
Dropped some truths in between small talk and acting the fool,
Had our share of scuffles but in the end we\u2019re always cool,
He had him a little secret, became a master at hiding it,
Struggled plenty to contain it, reduced his soul to easy pickings,
It all started at 15, the unknown force creepin\u2019 and spreadin\u2019 quickly,
Caught up in a power struggle between madness and sanity,
He radiated sunshine and happiness on the surface,
Masked the dreaded feelings of self-loathing and hopelessness,
External forces played their role but most of it\u2019s internal,
Ain\u2019t no battle tougher than one with the man in the mirror,
Couldn\u2019t do it alone, finally opened up to the parents then the therapist,
Many sessions later, he seemed to have finally tamed those demons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fast forward to a few years later, now I\u2019m the one fighting,
The beast was stealthy, infiltrated the fortress, guards must\u2019ve been napping,
Grapplin\u2019 with emotions from both ends of the extreme,
Muscles straining, carrying the weight of psychological fatigue,
On the edge about everything, drowning in nervous premonitions,
Also made-up scenarios and people staring like I\u2019m a fuckin\u2019 freak show,
Can\u2019t trust anyone, got me feeling like a convict on the run,
Tired of looking over my shoulder, this anxiety shit is no fun,
Then some days I\u2019m wondering why bother? Fuck everyone and everything,
A herculean effort\u2019s required to keep going, every step of the way my feet are dragging,
The sky\u2019s bright outside but I only see grey, can\u2019t hear the sound of birds chirping,
This empty void of silence is all-consuming, at times accompanied by muffled screaming,
A prisoner of my own mind, it\u2019s real fucked-up, ain\u2019t it?
Don\u2019t care if the Minotaur kills me, just want out of this labyrinth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tried to kill it my own way, through productive and destructive means,
Physical scars, rhymes and works of art the result from venting my spleen,
Still standing somehow, I guess I chose life in the midst of the chaos,
Took the same path as Big Bro and consulted with the pros,
Skittish as a baby deer at first, felt like I was regurgitating in their faces,
But the contents of this bottle are fermented, it\u2019s been sealed for ages,
Time to uncap it, it\u2019s on the verge of explosion, brace yourself here come the confessions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Back to the present now I\u2019m thriving where I was once surviving,
Can\u2019t say there\u2019s total healing, that\u2019s tantamount to wishful thinking,
Want to part ways with this motherfucker, keep it buried forever,
\u2018Don\u2019t get your hopes up,\u2019 said Big Bro, \u2018the war don\u2019t end for us soldiers,\u2019
That black dog\u2019s still within him, just been slapped with a restraining order,
Might still breach it now and then, that canine defies restrictions,
Hard work, grit and determination, it\u2019s a winning combination,
But the lows must come with the highs, the bright sun won\u2019t always rise,
Perfectly articulated by Kurt, about the irony of all this hurt,
\u2018I miss the comfort in being sad\u2019, he sang, now Bro\u2019s eyes are tearing up,
Must\u2019ve hit close to home, that oxymoron\u2019s next-level fucked up<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Can\u2019t let those lyrics become life, Big Bro warned me to stay woke,
Can\u2019t let the guard down or I\u2019ll end up getting yoked,
\u2018Therapy will help you, but that beast might never leave you,\u2019
\u2018Y\u2019all are together for life, like some dysfunctional husband and wife,\u2019
Talk about unholy matrimony but that shit was real spit,
Battled this curse for so long, feels like I\u2019d be naked without it,
Uneasy under the sunshine where the children play, it\u2019s a strange land to which I\u2019m an alien,
In the deep levels of hell and suffering somehow feels like I\u2019m in my element,
There\u2019s still some reliance on that beast, yeah I know that sounds twisted,
Hate to compare it to codependency, but somehow it seems fitting,
It\u2019s a part of my identity, who would I be if it was stripped off completely?
Grateful to experience the glow of happiness, yet the embrace of melancholy brings familiarity,
Maybe I don\u2019t know better, I want to believe I can change,
Working hard day after day but I don\u2019t know how long that\u2019ll take.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cNot all will understand,\u201d warned Big Bro, \u201cThey\u2019ll say you\u2019re hung up on some bullshit,\u201d
\u201cThat it\u2019s all in your head, suck it up and be done with it,\u201d
\u201cThey don\u2019t know what treacherous waters you\u2019d navigated, always so quick to judge,\u201d
\u201cFocus only on yourself, don\u2019t let \u2018em bother you too much,\u201d
Lucky to have a battle-tested vet by my side, likewise he know that he\u2019s my ride or die,
Working together to be better than yesterday, we\u2019ll get through this for as long as it takes,
Hopeful of breaking out of that bitter embrace and heading towards better days.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
He is my hero, idol, confidant and guide,That\u2019s my big brother, just an all-round cool guy,Dropped some truths in between small talk and acting the fool,Had our share of scuffles but in the end we\u2019re always cool,He had him a little secret, became a master at hiding it,Struggled plenty to contain it, reduced his soul … <\/p>\n