Let It Bern

If you want it, go and get it, come hell or high water,

You’ll walk through fire for it, fight for it and whatever,

Heard it all before, motivational talk spewed to and fro,

Coming in handy for missions of all sorts, for crusades or when shooting for impossible goals,

They say only the persistent are rewarded, quitters never win,

But how much must one take before they’re permitted to pack it in?

They are lionized and admired, those who defy the odds,

But what of they who walk away, minds changed then switching lanes?

Do they get props for changing course or are they quitters only deserving scorn?

Sure, hard work pays off, the spoils go to those that work their asses off,

But what if you get more than you bargained for? Found out it wasn’t worth the struggle? Prompting a change in course to a destination less glamorous?

No telling what’s on the other side, gut instincts could save your life,

Perhaps backing out is warranted, but when is the proper time for it?

Half full, half empty, is the sun shining or darkness halted?

Given the state of the world today, you wonder how one can act like all’s ok?

Gotta keep it real and see it all for how it is, unlike those grinning ear to ear living in dreams,

But why keep your eyes trained to the grey and gloom? On a constant lookout for impending doom?

To the common eye seems a waste of time, living scared than in the prime of life,

They say they who peer through the proverbial shades tinted rose-colored to match their cheery disposition have a higher chance of getting more out of life, of smashing goals left and right,

Leave a lasting legacy that traverses through time, leave their counterparts floundering, unfulfilled, screaming into the night,

But that’s a myth, they, too, can build kingdoms, all while travelling unfiltered,

Understanding it ain’t all sunshine and rainbows and acknowledging the darkness, embracing what is than trying to paint it a different color,

Doesn’t make them the lesser among us, such a suggestion makes one self-righteous,

Some walk on sunshine while others are content to dance in the storm.

They say loneliness kills, innocuous but deadly,

Likewise they say to be wary, far too many carry hidden levels of toxicity,

There’s someone for everyone, up to us to find ‘em, that someone to build a life with, grow old and prosper with,

But get with the wrong one, that shit’s a death wish, hard to tell friend from foe, makes you wonder why try at all,

Their handiwork insidious, covert at first before bursting to the surface,

The damage irrevocable, often leading to dire and desperate consequences,

No wonder many go their own way, romance is dead, bright and clear as day,

Nothing wrong with travelling on your lonesome, but what of the other option,

The journey gets lonely, might be nice to have some company, to help with day to day living, the teamwork so gratifying,

Provided that love, trust and respect remains intact, such is the case, for the most part,

You need not read them only in stories, look around, it’s possible in reality,

Take your time and find one that you vibe with, never know what might unfold,

Can’t dump all in the same box, to do so suggests the whole race is lost,

Sadly, the mask drops when least expected, villains in disguise win, the innocent left the victims, broken and picking up the pieces.

Eyes looking up, eyes looking down, yours are the former, yours truly the latter,
Companions along the journey, one seen and done many, the other starting out, oblivious to what’s to come about,
That’s the way it is, Kiddo, both for you and me, better strap yourself in, the ride won’t always go smoothly,
You’ll laugh and you’ll cry, experience both ends of the spectrum,
Sunshine and rain, pleasure and pain, your outlook could change day after day.

Got a permanent smile on your dial, the world is your oyster with so much to offer,
So much to look forward to, time must move at a snail’s pace for you,
Picked up some bare necessities but on the lookout for what’s unexplored,
Slow and steady does it, you’re but a fresh young chook strutting about the paddock in the early morning,
In stark contrast this old boy’s inching closer to midday, many hours elapsed, still some way to endgame,
Once was where you were, all smiles and full of beans, counting tomorrows than yesterdays, living carefree,
Never stressing about the calendar, let alone the clock,
But as time passes, so do those halcyon days, welcome to the struggle, less time for games,
Gotta fend for yourself, gotta be smart and savvy, every decision can and will pay dividends but also lead to catastrophes,
Curiosity and willingness taking a back seat to caution and thoughtfulness, sometimes to the point of overthinking, no wonder grown folks stop dreaming,
Failure becomes a dirty word, a means to quit than to renew the search,
Been guilty of giving one too many cares to trends and others’ opinions, shook it off long ago, but the fact remains some valuable time went to waste,
Sun still shining bright for ya, lights slightly dimming for this warrior,
Let’s get back on course, to the present, there’s no need to scare ya.

How you find entertainment in any random moment, no matter how small and insignificant, plain and mundane,
That insatiable curiosity, that eagerness to have a go,
They may drive your parents up the wall, but don’t you ever let it go,
Sure, you gotta have boundaries, there are lessons to be learned,
Pushing one too many buttons can get yourself burned,
But don’t let the so-called powers stop you from thriving,
Stay gold and keep on growing, that’s the art of living,
Time is undefeated, but do stay curious and never jaded,
Slow that clock to a crawl, you’ll feel you can live forevermore,
And don’t let trials and tribulations render you cold and indifferent,
Many done took the bait and been trapped, all sense of wonder and appreciation sapped,
No one likes a downer, more of them head to the afterlife sooner,
Keep on the sunny side and see that glass as half-full, watch and you’ll see, you’ll be paid in full.

Back to the present, watching you swing that cabinet door,
Somehow thrilled by that cling-clang, back-and-forth,
Suddenly you turn, wondering towards this weary soul,
Still with a smile, a giggle to go with it, hands up, looking up, looking to hitch a ride.

Though conjured up from one writer’s imagination you’d since been dumped along with cinema’s greatest villains,
No, you never shared their dark intentions, never was bent on domination and mass murdering,
Rather, they deemed you guilty of manipulation and deception towards the one that loved you come hell or high water,
By all appearances you were the girl-next-door, the type guys take home to Mom,
On the surface beautiful and glowing, sadly, your journey nothing short of tragic,
Wounds may heal but scars never fade, if they only knew, if they walked in your shoes, how would they handle the pain?

Boy gets on school bus, an instant victim of hazing,
Girl offers him a seat, a godsend among bullies, brats and the indifferent,
Thus began a friendship, like peas and carrots as he put it,
Found out soon enough she was born into darkness,
Pops was bitter, drunk and a pervert, preyed upon her and her sisters,
His reign of terror blunted by coppers while she was saved by social services,
Should have been new beginnings but began a prolonged period of suffering,
Self-destruction, vices and toxic entanglements your main means of coping with the shame and self-loathing that comes with a childhood taken, by he who was supposed to keep you sheltered from the monsters and trappings life hurls large doses,
Feeling dirty day by day, no amount of washing can wipe away the shame,
If he should get a glimpse, what would he say?

Maybe he’s different, might still deem you a worthy companion,
But a closer look could send him off and running, his rejection akin to a death sentence,
Can’t risk that last rope, somewhere deep inside you remains a flickering hope,
With him the main source, his mere presence your own safe zone,
And so you build barriers, can’t let him get close,
Fearful of his rejection, for he’s too pure a soul,
And so they call you the villain and abuser, ironic given how you came up,
Can’t stop, won’t stop leaving him wanting, they’re saying, his heart you’re constantly breaking,
He took on the Vietcong, won the Medal of Honor, became a champ at ping pong, got rich off of shrimping, cleaned up thanks to Apple,
While you set out drifting, finding new synthetic ways to go flying, hooked up with one lowlife after another, ending up bruised and battered, even considered ending matters,
Reunited every once in a while, your paths at times intertwined, but whenever he made a play you somehow always slipped away,
Soon he popped the question, said he’d make a good hubby, you cautioned him against it, fearful that he’d regret it,
Came back for good only after you’d had his kid, never even called him, hit him with the news from out the damn blue, how messed-up are you?

He must be blinded or a simp to take you back, he always was naïve,
They claim to see the real you, their vitriol rather hard to believe.
But they can’t or won’t see your side of the story,
Yours was hardly sunshine and rainbows, a horror show even if not as gory,
Low self-worth and a fear of abandonment conspiring to leave you ill-equipped to open up, trust and truly love another
They say you played him like a fiddle, but in truth your heart been kicked and busted once too often,
Left battered and burned by former flames, Pops was far from the only culprit,
Later the film got you both running, but for different reasons,
He’s running to gain clarity and a search for answers, you’re running for self-preservation and a need to escape demons,
But not before you both popped the cherry, finally, from there created life,
A bouncing baby boy born to y’all, only, the father was out accruing miles,
And so you raised him alone, until he was five or four,
Daddy finally home, found your letter, off he went to your humble abode,
They say you should have called him sooner, but forget that he was lapping the country several times over,
Took him three years, in the 1980s, when connections were limited, no smartphones, social media, facetime or any advanced technologies,
At least you let him know, eventually, became a family, effortlessly,
Finally exchanged ‘I do’s’, a happy ending achieved, living and loving life together until you became a precious memory,
Best friends-turned-star-crossed lovers, a charmed life and a cursed one colliding, both paths eventually merging, Mr. Groom couldn’t have penned it better,
Spawned a classic film, one of the most iconic, a story of hope, fortitude and determination, and a simple box of chocolates.

So that’s about it, Dear Jenn, sorry they treated you this way,
Not sure if you were written to be the villain or the victim of a gross misunderstanding,
Shows the hazards of a wretched upbringing, how trauma leads to destruction,
The avoidant tendencies of the broken, even towards loved ones,
But in the end you’re merely fictional, conjured up from the mind of some writer,
Though yours is a story all too familiar for some real-life individuals,
Not all are privileged to have come up unscathed and injury-free,
To be born into love and stability, granted a childhood both complete and nostalgic,
If they only viewed it through the lenses you’re wearing, what would they say?
Walked a mile in your shoes, would they feel the same way?

Scene is set, somehow back in the motherland, hardly alone, though, with me are the fam,

Unsure of the occasion, somehow, a house party is in order,

Might have been Unc’s, never did meet the owner,

Good time had by all, bonded with a select few at the ball,

Came from humble beginnings, the type that first-world dwellers couldn’t comprehend, a brand of desperation that would send the mind spinnin’,

So ends the first act, a brief intermission is in order before the next one, let’s see how it unfolds.

After a brief haze the picture clears, no static, just cut to the next scene,

The setting remains the same but there lies a soon-to-be-shocking change,

Still there with the fam, a few extended making an appearance,

But those street cats that I done chopped it with, some are missing in action,

Went out for a breather, from the corner spotted him a few yards,

Wondered why he ain’t inside, fuck it, went to see if he’d like to trade barbs,

Suddenly, from out his pocket, dude pulled out his piece,

Cocked and ready to roll, pointed it straight at me,

‘Gimme your money,’ said he, looked like a scene from a hood film,

Slowly reached for the wallet, slowly drew it out, hoping he’d soften his stance, alas he remained on guard,

Hurled it at his mug as a distraction tactic, before trying to kick that heater from his grip,

Didn’t go too far, the trigger finger proved too quick,

One shot was all it took, straight to the kisser,

A final vision of blue sky, quickly snapped into noir.

Woke up in bed, wide-eyed panting like a thirsty canine,

‘twas but a dream, shaken and stirred at what had transpired,

Found my legs eventually, slowly stood tall, feeling the earth move like Martika, not good at all,

Melted over to the sink, cold water ought to do the trick,

Staring blankly the mirror, suddenly feeling weaker,

Blood draining, eyes rolling, stiffened then hit the floor, the old boy knew no more, just like in that dream from the night before.

Woke up once more, this time in the present, had to pinch myself first, a new day has started,

A nightmare within another, definitely a first, questions and interpretations swirling, the mind fit to burst,

Struggling to comprehend the meaning, unsure if I want to proceed,

Hoping this ain’t some premonition of a grisly fate that awaits me,

Or perhaps the a product of watching one too many action and gangsta flicks,

Guess I got lost in ‘em, like it was part of someone else’s script,

So far, ain’t nothing happened to trigger a fight or flight,

Guess I’ll march on and see what happens, gotta keep that defense tight.

For so long, been travelling through the shadows alone,

Fear of the unknown, distrustful of most folks,

Got the fam by my side, but flying solo through these skies,

No applications for a co-pilot, been cruising smoothly so why change it?

Mingled with others previously, fell flat most of the time,

Their fangs came out at random, no escape once they bite,

So, for now, divorced from the masses, for sanity and self-preservation,

“Keep an open mind’, they say but, truthfully, never wanted anyone.

Gotta thank Zuck for the invention of that app, myspace is threatened, soon enough rendered irrelevant,

Reunited with a face from the past, one of few that wasn’t a fucking ass,

Got to talking from behind our screens, asked him how he’d been,

‘Seen better days’, said he, heartache is all too real,

By now jaded and hard-boiled, who am I to play master motivator,

I ain’t no Tony Robbins or Dr. Phil, sure as hell ain’t no therapist,

Nevertheless told him to man up and be strong,

She’d played her part, done him dirty then moved on, a real one wouldn’t string him along,

‘Twas a strange feeling, helping out a brother, butterflies swirling, unknown forces within surging, helping out is a beautiful thing,

Been quite some time, guess it feels unfamiliar,

Such is the life of a self-imposed loner.

That interaction being the key that opened doors, will it be for better or for worse?

We won’t always be in control, forces unknown may do all the work,

Either way, changes are inevitable, what was once comfortable quickly becoming unfamiliar,

But this was for the better and then some, feeling like I’d been rewarded,

Stayed in touch with him, found out later he’d found himself a new one,

Twelve years later, two little ones, still rock solid, safe to say that he’d won,

A new challenge suddenly arising, Pops the one who made it happen,

This art that we’re learning requires full concentration and some special type of relaxing,

Some new characters joining the main cast, the loner suddenly stepping out from behind the glass,

Knocking down walls, opening the gates, stepping out the darkness, clean air never felt better,

Thriving on the work front, trekking down a new path,

Pieces of the puzzle coming together, life can’t get better than that,

That old world in the rearview, finally, eyes forward, hitting the accelerator,

Top down with the radio turned up, headed towards a brighter future.

Cruising wearing rose-tinted glasses, soon the lenses were shattered,

Paradise suddenly threatened, six years later the bubble busted,

Thunderstruck just as momentum was firmly in my favour,

Came out victorious but the scars may last forever,

‘Twas but a speedbump, knocked off-kilter but still standing,

Still hanging with the crew, first real friends since forever,

Whether in person or online, the loner phase finally left behind,

Then the second decade of the third millennium arrived, here’s where the smooth path unwinds,

That big old pandemic locking the whole world down and that was just the starter,

One bad copper triggered a mass brawl, repercussions felt all around the world,

That NWA anthem once again front and centre while society’s big mad over vocations, opinions and differences,

Folks from all walks can no longer come together, unions once solid crumbling like The Towers,

For our former loner it came at a price, a long absence cost him that sanctuary away from home,

Quietly parted ways with fellow journeymen and women, they were heading down different directions,

Coming to a sad realisation, damn near making the skin crawl,

Ain’t nothing changed at all, life came full circle, the darkness of the shadows, truly, was where I’d always belonged.

Fast-forward to the present, that big old pandemic came to pass,

Not out and about celebrating, it’s back to the solitude of years’ past,

Been quite a blast, those years outside the proverbial shell, living the life of a lad-about-town, so many stories to tell,

Retained a few happy to tag along, perhaps all is not lost,

But for the most part back on the road alone, only Lord knows for how long,

Might be for the best, it’s a crazy world out there, sticks and stones still break bones while words act as weapons of mass destruction,

Bringing to mind that chap named Edward, created from scratch by some guy likely gone mad,

Passed before he could give the lad some mitts, left him with scissors at the end of his wrists,

And so he lives alone in that big and lonely home, discovered by some random lady, took him back to town, the townsfolk equally amazed and wary,

For a while he was one of them, a new life seemed in order, but several unfortunate events and misunderstandings later got him cast out like a fucking leper,

In the end, returned to where it all began, away from all others, accompanied only by memories from a brief period of acceptance,

Can’t say it ain’t the same, shit’s feeling kinda relatable,

Not as bleak, perhaps, but the trajectory somewhat similar,

Perhaps just a dip before the next round of ascendancy, never know what’s around the corner,

But if this is fate I’ll take it, already seen the flipside, I can say I’ve lived it.