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Here we go, the biggest night of your career, third time’s a charm, hopefully, the big prize dodged you twice already,

Past few years been a rough ride, box-office bombs and shit ‘bout your personal life, least of which the entanglement with the wife,

2022 was supposed to be a return to form, a redemption of sorts for you to reclaim the throne,

Then things got underway, at first played out as expected, ‘til the court jester took centre stage, what followed no one saw coming,

Cracked a joke that involved the missus, initially had you laughing but damn, she was steaming,

Off you strode up onto the stage, the smile long gone, smacked that fool in the chops before casually walking off,

Then cursed him out loud, twice, ‘Keep my wife’s name out your fuckin’ mouth’, nice,

Got him lost for words while everyone present turned to stone, not long after they declared you the winner, got you all emotional, the tears they did roll,

So you’re going home a winner, but it’s a lot more complicated, Brother,

You made a damn fool of yourself, they’re talking ‘bout it all over, in tones that hardly serve to flatter,

No award’s gonna undo the damage, way to throw your brand away,

Career now on life support, never know if or when they’ll pull the chord,

You played yourself.

Felt the need to defend your wife’s honour, well that part is understandable,

Not sure if his verbal missiles were directly even aimed at her, could’ve only been about the film that he’d mentioned,

Nevertheless you could’ve and should’ve handled it better, what got into ya?

You were laughing just seconds ago, come on, Bro, why flip the switch to aggro?

Did she tell you to sort him out right there and then? Her non-reaction’s kinda telling,

Could’ve stopped you from making the front pages but sat there just keeping her quiet,

Could’ve handled it like a grown adult would, taken him aside then chew him for being so rude,

Tell him he’s out of pocket for that bullshit, that the missus wasn’t having it,

Way to provide your critics with extra ammunition, the ones saying she has your balls in a death grip,

Owns your heart and soul like a female mantis, day by day manipulating,

They’re saying, also, that you were just trying to act all hard and macho,

Still competing with the slain rapper that she still diggin’, gotta bury the notion that you’re soft like napkins, that you, too, can somehow be masculine,

Not gonna touch them August jokes, that’s for another post, but they’re still out there, Friend, branding you the second letter of the Greek alphabet,

And of course the C and S words rhyming with buck and shrimp, only gets worse from here, better get a grip,

They might take that prize from you, that ‘nice cool guy’ rep in a shambles,

Probably won’t be invited next year or to the one right after, ‘cuz you got caught up in your feelings like a sucker,

Throwing hands to combat temporary emotions, such behavior’s unbecoming of a responsible adult,

Count your lucky stars he ain’t pressing charges, could’ve had five-o on your ass after that career revival,

As for your fellow winners and attendees way to ruin their night,

Stole their thunder and made it all ‘bout you, if you’re punished, well, it kinda serves you right,

Time will tell if this’ll blow over, hopefully it won’t be a career-killer,

In any case, congrats on the win, Sir, third time turned out to be a charm,

Just a damn shame that in the end you’d done less good and plenty of harm,

You played yourself.

Morning is upon us, should be thanking God for another day of life,

Unsure if I’d earned it, if I even want it, lately it’s been a rough ride,

Two months later the wound remains raw, gonna take a whole lot to heal this open sore,

Can never erase the events of that night, got home following another hard grind,

She was standing there, should’ve been sleeping, could tell she was red-hot and steaming,

Huffing about matters unimportant, the impact wouldn’t have dented the fucking richter,

She gave too many fucks about ‘em, straight-up ducked and dodged my explaining,

Overtime followed by a long commute and I had to come home to this shit?

Can’t believe she stayed up late for it, I really wasn’t feeling it,

One thing led to another and we got to bickering, at first about the so-called issue at hand,

Then segued over to our recent history, from the beginning ‘til the present a startling contrast,

No more of that lovey-dovey rom-com thing, done eroded into something almost toxic,

Starting beef over the innocuous that should’ve quickly been forgotten,

Silent treatments would last for weeks if not months, how the fuck did it come to this?

When previously disagreements ended less than 24-hours later with a hug and a kiss.

And we’re here again, under the same roof but mentally stranded on our own islands,

Unwilling to call for help knowing that the other would be the one to come and get us,

But someone had to give, eventually, she lowered her defences first,

Tried to be the bigger person, extended the olive branch but I just wasn’t reaching for it,

Her apologies went unheard, her gestures of goodwill unaccepted,

Worked my ass off only to be bollocked and disrespected, playing with matches will get you incinerated,

She started it and I’m gonna finish it and I have every intention of extending it,

Hopefully to drive the message home, finally, that messing with me is one of life’s biggest follies,

One month deep now, this silent treatment, the longest that our cold wars had ever lasted,

‘Goodnight, My Love’ and all her other sentiments went unanswered save for contemptuous pre-sleep grunting.

The next day played out the same way with a continued deafening silence between us,

Up early but she’d left ahead of me, went on our respective hustles, to be unhappily reunited later,

That’s when the script was flipped, life ground to a screeching halt,

Just reached home, why wasn’t she around? Then came the fateful call,

Several unanswered calls in my phone, how did I miss ‘em? Face-palmed myself before addressing this latest caller,

It was her mother, hysterical on the other end,

A fool on the booze had crossed into her lane, the collision catastrophic and head to head,

The aftermath a big mess, traffic piling on both lanes,

The carnage left no survivors, time seemed to hit the brakes,

She ceased to exist, just like that, here this morning but gone later on,

The beef remains unresolved, no fences mended, the pain a special type of hell as you can imagine,

Can’t even recall what we’d gone to war over, it’s been more than a month ago,

In the grand scheme inconsequential, should’ve ended it but instead extended it, fuelled by pettiness and ego,

Blinded by pride, didn’t tell her I loved her the previous night, didn’t even kiss her good night,

I guess I was asking for it, the regret and heartbreak I’ll take them to my grave,

Sickening realisations following personal tragedy beating me down like Calzaghe did Lacy,

That I took her and our union for granted, failed to fulfil those vows,

To be there for one another, through good times and bad, she was a keeper, best I ever had, what will I do now?

Now two months later I’m still picking up the pieces,

Staring at the man in the mirror through eyes of bitterness and hatred,

Day by day cursing him for choosing feelings over what’s important, ‘fuck you and your fucking dramas, you selfish motherfucker!”

“She’s the best thing that ever happened to ya, a blessing that came your way like no other, you never deserved her and now you done lost her,”

A warning to you, Dear Reader, the words of Buddha stand the test of time,

‘Anger is like drinking poison but expecting the other to die,’

Grudges ain’t meant to be held for too long, better drop it quick if you wish to move on,

For grown adults such behaviour’s unbecoming, if you’re still prone to it you need some serious soul-searching,

Life gets shorter as your age grows longer, why dawdle in the same old chapters?

Time moves inexorably, best you keep up and move on swiftly,

Once it’s gone it’s gone forever, this ain’t no video game shit, no such thing as do-overs,

Tomorrow ain’t promised to anyone, that should motivate you to hug your loved ones,

Don’t let anything get between y’all, especially not the pointless and the trivial,

Never go to bed mad, especially at your fam, they’re the only ones you have, cherish their company while you can,

On that note I’ll soldier on, cold and forlorn, spare me your pity and scorn, I know I deserve to live the rest of my days alone.

Nice ride, somehow it looks familiar,

Owned by many a superstar, Mr and Mrs Jones ‘round the corner, wasn’t your last one a keeper?

Got you from point A to point B quite smoothly, an upgrade really wasn’t necessary,

So why this new toy that won’t appreciate and comes with a secret use-by date?

Seems you bought it out of peer pressure, believing it’ll make your image that much sweeter,

Trends are ever-changing, before you know it it’s out of fashion,

Nobody here hating, Friend, but that M.O slapped glittering on your sleeve,

Based your life’s choices and preferences on the actions of total strangers, it’s a fucked-up way to be.

Way to surrender your freedom and power, how does it feel to be held prisoner?

Got you blowing dough on useless shit for show, Struggle Street’s knocking but your dumb ass ain’t knowing it,

Taking paths that ain’t yours ‘cuz IG deemed your situation unexciting,

Came at the expense of your identity, now an amalgamation of those you’d been following,

The stars, icons, players and influencers, living enviable lives that’ll drive you bonkers,

Got a chokehold on the collective’s attention, somehow found yourself among them,

Gotta ask yourself some questions, address that proverbial white elephant,

Are your moves dictated by genuine want or fear of others’ judgment?

Wastes of space you’d parted ways with paper on, are you still enjoying ‘em?

How many are collecting dust in the shed? Has the sting of regret set up camp in your head?

Could’ve defied the mob but instead you’re a slave to ‘em, an unwinnable race you’re running, such a life can’t be fulfilling.

Maybe you don’t see it but yours is a major problem,

Letting others dictate choices, how the fuck is that liberating?

Perfection is but an illusion, the so-called famous, too, are flawed, they’re only human so quit revering ‘em like they’re gods,

Speaking of illusions, social media’s rife with ‘em, images can be doctored and locations manipulated,

So-called influencers tauntin’ and cappin’, not to mention gaslightin’,

Not all but most of ‘em, playing you like a fiddle same as their other victims,

A better life’s attainable if you play your cards right, shuffle the deck where necessary,

Press on forward, to hell with adversity, watch how fast your life’s enhanced, might build you a legacy,

A true badass is one that’s original, knows themselves like no other,

Rejecting white noise and useless chatter, opinions are like assholes and everybody’s got ‘em,

Ditch ‘em and live your own life, heed the wise words of Bruce,

“Showing off is the fool’s idea of glory,” insecurities and dissatisfaction manifesting in attempts at false praises and validation,

Take away their phones and access to the net and what do you get?

A bunch of entitled fools forced to be civilians, ill-equipped for what lies ahead,

Suddenly they ain’t so enviable, more than likely theirs was all an illusion,

Forced to start again, abandoned and forgotten, out of sight like the trends they started, how’s that for poetic justice?

Free yourself from their trap, go on treading your own path,

Embrace your true self, flaws and all, your lot ain’t so bad,

Focus on life’s true calling, scale you some mountains, the best investments you ever had,

Indulging what you don’t need for people you don’t need to please, kick ‘em to the side where they belong, they don’t own you anymore.

Been carrying this load now, weighed down for the longest time,

Shoulders slouched and knees tired, could’ve been a strong man but feeling just about fried,

Twin tormentors jockeying for position but equally loud and destructive,

Got your man running from one end of the proverbial spectrum right to the other,

Sights set on a particular path, planning and plotting to make it happen,

The outcome still uncertain but intuition dictates it’ll be worth it,

Just don’t tell that to the parents, loved ones too for that matter,

The script was written for me years ago, veering from it deemed acts of rebellion,

Standards and expectations, too, set from the moment of birth,

A metaphorical chokehold as far as I’m concerned, additional needless pressure,

Tried and failed so many times over, win-loss record favoring the latter,

Their prophecy unfulfilled with no contingencies, I must be a no-hoper,

Bad vibes permeating self-worth, nobody ‘round to talk it out with,

Why place trust in others capable of plunging daggers when you don’t expect it?

Every known relationship ever severed in the most unfavourable ways,

Barely a parting word exchanged, forget a sweet embrace, we’re talking bridges doused with petrol then setting it aflame,

Smiling through the pain, they won’t know shit this way,

But behind the mask an inverted smile, hovering over it the appeal of a self-inflicted demise. 

See you wandering about, your head up in the clouds,

Damn near bowling others over, they’re cussing at ya from right over their shoulders,

Looks like you’d had a heavy day or still stuck in the midst of it,

Word is you want out ‘cuz you can no longer take it,

Leave it to me to give you a dose of brutal reality, shit you need to hear,

That you’d never known true suffering, let alone absolute fear,

While your grown folks were upstanding mine were bottom of the barrel,

Drank, shot, snorted and swallowed what was within reach, passed their bad habits unto me,

Took my share of beatings at home and away, more than any kid deserved, certainly,

Just call me a heavy bag with legs, the shoe fits perfectly,

A lifelong nomad against my will, it was one eviction after another,

That was Mom and Pop’s way, I just inherited their traits,

Money was tight and it was my education or their vices,

Spoiler alert ahead, the latter took precedent,

The curse could’ve ended but fuck it the proverbial leaves ain’t turning,

Now I’m royally twisted like ‘em, draining every last fucking pay check,

Can’t live without the stash, though, no better way to numb the pain,

Experiences and inner torment just as potent as scarring from fighting and self-harming,

One thing lead to another and soon they made off with my lodgings,

Went through partners like used underwear, the little ones aren’t hearing it,

Now I’m here among the dregs, the ones the masses pretend don’t exist,

Can’t blame nothing or nobody, I’m programmed towards the self-destructive,

Desperate to fight back but untrained and too chicken-shit for it,

Stop and pay attention, Sir, this shit here be real life fucking problems.

You rail at feeling trapped, of expectations and needless pressure,

Because your parents believed you had it in you to achieve everlasting greatness,

Any idea how green many a face would be at that? That they cared enough to feed, clothe and raise your ass so you don’t fall right through the cracks?

If I’d had a taste of it I just might have become someone, but it remains a theory and always will be, just wanted a fighting chance but never was afforded one,

You grew up comfortably in a stable environment, finished school and now making a decent living,

Can afford to keep a roof overhead, to keep that belly fed, what others yearn for you take ‘em every day for granted,

Barely experienced the challenges others go through, daily,

Ever had to hide from murderers and thieves? Resort to drastic measures for lodgings and a decent feed? Sleep on the streets, come freezing cold or searing heat?

You ain’t been forced to survive the school of hard knocks and all her soul-searing tests,

Betrayed by your folks, stabbed figuratively and literally by so-called friends, tormented daily by even bigger demons than even the ones you think reside in your head,

Take a deep breath and venture out your cocoon, take a good look at the world around you,

That head been stuck so far up your ass that you don’t even have a clue,

Then you’ll realise the true depths of suffering, harden up and gain you some perspective,

Fuck your feelings and first-world problems, so much going for you but you choose to be blind to ‘em,

Hope that shit empowers you to be better, to count your blessings and be of service to others,

The ones for whom yours is an impossible dream, walk a mile in their shoes, it could’ve been worse for you, so pull your damn self together, Fool!

Woke up bright and early like it was another school day,

It’s anything but, come afternoon it’ll be time to graduate,

The magnitude hasn’t registered, all’s well on the plains, gotta enjoy summer break before knuckling down for seventh grade,

Had breakfast with the fam bam then ducked into the showers,

Changed into school uniform, yellow shirt and grey shorts, December weather ain’t suitable for trousers,

The opening salvo in a day of lasts fired, many little habits memorised to be performed a final time,

Morning drop-off completed, kissed Mom ‘see you later’, entered the school grounds to join fellow grade-sixers,

Seems we’re united in our indifference, the significance of it all remains elusive,

As a collective it’s all dry eyes, no internal drafting of good-byes,

Could change as the big show edges closer, guaranteed the dam will break once it’s over,

Final morning assembly failed to activate the feelings,

Though I’d be lying by claiming I didn’t feel stirrings during Principal’s morning message,

Then it was off to the classroom, no more lessons to be covered.

Time spent reminiscing with the teacher, pep talks galore about what lies in our near future,

The past seven years lead to this, 91 to 97, from kindergarten to grade six,

I was a year late to the party but these classmates kinda grew on me,

Not that I’d call ‘em bossom buddies, miss me with being weepy after the ceremony,

Got through recess in a reflective mood, blocking out the usual banter from the dudes, contemplating over my food,

Lunchtime was similar, chopped it up with young’uns while the homies played soccer,

Ones who looked up to me as a big brother, oblivious that I’ll soon be a goner,

The school bell chimed, the final meal break was over, back to class to prepare, a final request from the teacher,

Handed us pieces of paper, asked us to write our secret wishes, no need for a big reveal, write ‘em then fold ‘em before dropping ‘em in a bucket,

Before they’re stuffed inside helium balloons, their purpose will be revealed soon,

For now just sit back and relax, spend some quality time as one big group,

At another time multiple selfie-sessions would have been in order, pics and vids uploaded on the ‘Gram,

‘End of an era’, ‘moving on’, ‘the next chapter’, how are those for hashtags?

Soon it was time, bade one another farewell, expressed gratitude to teacher,

For her guidance and patience, for putting up with us, fulfilled her role with flying colours,

Looked around home base, desks tidy and chairs atop tables, ready to be cleaned,

Walls that had played host to charts, rules and students’ art works now a bare and austere shade of cream,

No cap and gown for us, just plain old school uniforms, took some shine off of the occasion, not that it really matters,

Lined up for the final time, marched like troopers towards the assembly area,

Students from grades below us and their teachers, school staff and our parents, patiently waiting as we were seated up front and centre,

Principal kicked off proceedings, tired old clichés she was regurgitating,

Stuff about personal growth and the next chapter, as we transition from children to teenagers,

School captains addressed their peers, handled it like professionals,

Even in the face of their friends’ subtle trolling while others’ eyes were wandering,

Even the parish priest had his say, this was Catholic school after all,

Then once the VIPs had rocked the mic it was on for the cringiest part of all,

Graduates turned to face their support crew to serenade them in song,

Call it our teachers’ retribution for the times we’d driven ‘em up the wall,

Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion, the theme from that movie Up Close And Personal,

An impromptu karaoke session, writers on Glee would have found this unusual,

To us it was cheese, new levels of cringy, worse than what Gal Gadot and her cronies mustered up during 2020.

Then it was onto the main event, certificates to be received, yours truly called up first, they just HAD to do this alphabetically,

Then joined by the kindergarten buddies assigned to us at year’s beginning, whom throughout the year we’d been mentoring,

Collected a helium balloon each, the ones that stored our secret wishes,

Never mind if we got ours specifically, either way they’re about to go flying,

Assembled at the dirt area, balloons in one hand and that of our buddies in the other, released the balloons skywards to rapturous applause, upon our teachers’ final orders,

Thus concluded the ceremony, in addition to our time in elementary,

Classmates now alumni, the term teachers now prefixed with ‘former,’ our roles as mentors for those kindergarteners well and truly over,

The day’s significance finally hit us as we said our goodbyes to one another,

Gotta laugh at the tears between friends who’ll be spending summer break together,

The occasion must’ve got to them, I suppose that’s understandable, most are heading to the same high school together, again it becomes laughable,

Half-promised to keep in touch with the homies, to hang out like old times, did we live up to ‘em? You’ll find out in a little while,

Finally split from the herd unnoticed, looking forward to hopefully greener pastures,

Re-joined my immediate family, who were chatting with the Principal, she wished me well for the future, then I gave Pops the signal,

It’s time to go, the summer break beckons, headed towards the gate, taking those final steps triumphant,

Only at this time did I feel that gut punch, finally,

That elementary’s now behind me and so is a life carefree, melancholy hitting me low-key,

Took a final look at the school grounds, surveyed the land before leaving,

Class was dismissed for the summer, other students had joined their parents,

Fellow graduates ain’t in a hurry, some of ‘em ran to the jungle gym excitedly,

Climbing and swinging like they did in kindergarten, one last grasp at childhood before high school comes calling,

School buses done arrived, time to close school for the season,

Grade seven awaits after the break, bring on teen years let’s see how I handle it.

POSTSCRIPT

No, your boy ain’t kept in touch with the homies, it wasn’t meant to be,

That’s just how fate scripted it, our ships sailed through different directions,

Most of ‘em now married with children, as are most of my former peers,

Some even became teachers, though not at our old stomping ground of seven years,

Most of ‘em ain’t changed, facially, can see traces of ‘em in their kiddies,

No telling what became of our kindy buddies, by now they’d reached early thirties,

With families and careers of their own, time sure has flown,

Seemed to last forever living it, in hindsight shouldn’t have taken it for granted,

The school I’d attended still standing, still in operation and thriving,

Uniforms largely remained unchanged, new buildings done upgraded the landscape,

No telling if younger teachers in the day are still plying their trade, though one older gent’s still doing his thing, still smoking despite surpassing retirement age,

Now to address the elephant in the room, as if you didn’t know,

That little note that ascended upwards, the little wish that I’d wrote,

Ain’t nothing ambitious or noble, some would say it’s shallow,

Gotta bear in mind, I was a chubby child, picked on by the others, their jabs were most unkind,

So prior to the proceedings, took out a pen and scrawled that I wished for a better body, to turn this softness into brawn,

Maybe wishes come true, achievement unlocked years later,

No drugs, supplements or gym, just hard work and dedication, choke on that one, hecklers!

You were Pops’ oldest sibling and the one assigned to be my God parent,

I was aware of your presence on the family tree but interactions before elementary remained kinda fuzzy,

Met you for the first time five years after we’d migrated, I was eleven and English had become my first language,

Unrecognisable, maybe, from the kid you once knew, and the language barrier was a minor issue,

Back then you seemed kinda strict, not the type to be trifled with,

A veteran in the field of parenting, seen and heard every excuse and act of mischief,

Yet beneath it all lay a core of warmth and you were generous to a tee,

Granted us lodgings whenever we visited, unfazed about additional mouths to feed,

Cooked us meals during morning, day and night while attending to daily life,

Taking care of Grandma and running the home and family business, tell us, Ninang, how’d you ever do it?

Encountered obstacles growing up yet you knocked ‘em all, no wonder Pops spoke of you in reverential tones,

Clearly admired his big sister, the one who soldiered on even when the years took their toll.

Reunited five years later, another trip home in my mid-teens,

Your façade softened slightly, the disciplinarian replaced by one more grandmotherly,

Yet your generosity remained intact, the passage of time ain’t diluting that,

Still didn’t suffer fools, though, the grandkids found out fast!

I remembered the trip’s conclusion, you and Grandma shed tears,

Wondering, maybe, when we’ll return if ever, no such thing as guarantees,

We’d meet again, Ninang, but not until thirteen years,

Had plenty of growing to do, conquered school and university then joined the workforce, too,

A family reunion was on, 100 years since grandpa was born,

Grandma had passed, me and the grandkids had all grown,

You’d reached septuagenarian status then but remained sharp mentally,

Another surprise lay in store for me, that you’d learned a bit of English,

Also cooked up a generous serve of the dish that pops said I liked best,

Widened our lines of communication and kept me well-fed, tell me, what’d I do to deserve it?

Getting up in age but you remained and elite-level hostess, keeping us housed and comfortable while still maintaining the family business,

Travelled back two years later, this time for Grandma’s 100^th

Glad to have spent additional time with you as you traversed through life’s sunset,

Another teary good-bye followed, perhaps more painful than the others,

The years are adding up, time’s forever marching.

Hoped to meet again, that was the plan anyway,

Caught up in life and ambitions, a health scare the icing on the cake,

Fate intervened just when it seemed all was in the clear,

Borders locked up by Covid 19, brought the entire world to its knees,

The beast still out there though significantly weakened, progress made in subtle ways but can’t be hasty when reopening,

Prayed for your continued good health, another meeting was way past due,

Then heard from folks back home, some not-so-great news,

The Lord had started calling, you delayed the inevitable for a time,

Before you earned your wings then ascended towards the sky.

But while we mourn your passing there’s a sense of comfort over the end of your suffering,

That it’s a beautiful world up there to where you are going,

It’s a testament to the way you’d lived, that your deeds would not be soon forgotten,

The kids and grandkids, they are missing you, the next generation, too, are missing you,

Rest In Peace, Ninang, it was your time to go,

Though face-to-face was limited, your love I’ll always remember it, glad it was you whom Mom and Pops chose,

Maybe we can chop it up sometime, catch up like we should have years before,

In a manner with no barriers, for now fly high and soar, happily up there with the Lord.

Woke up nice and early, around seven in the morning,

Dusk has settled, here comes the sun, it’s slowly rising,

Stretched out the limbs, grinning from ear-to-ear,

That time of the week again, five days later it’s finally here,

Went through the day’s itinerary, mentally, lots of fun to be had, naturally,

Looking forward to parking in front of a screen, controller in hand,

You might call it boring, lame and uninteresting, but for yours truly it’s a recipe for a perfect weekend,

Messing ‘round with Little Sis and watching some tube, washing away the nasty aftertaste of school,

Typical weekend for nine-year old me, don’t mind staying here forever, where life is simple and carefree,

Then it hits like a Mike Tyson uppercut, the sudden realisation,

Jumped the gun three days too early, Hump Day’s just beginning,

Plans for a day of leisure canned, just like that, still got three days of hard graft, that’s just the facts,

Up and at ‘em, Lad, time to go to school,

Off to the showers then, feeling like a prized fool.

HERE’S JOHNNY!

Catchphrase coined by Nicholson in The Shining, can’t believe he ad-libbed it,

Spoke volumes of his genius as a thespian but that ain’t what we’re looking at,

Happened to be sampled into some dance track back in ‘96, Hocus Pocus made a killing as it lit up clubs, pubs, amusement parks and roller skating rinks,

Speaking of which, your boy right here was quite the beast in them blades,

Early-day wobbles were inevitable, but with practice and persistence wheeled around for days,

Still swimming and practicing karate, achieved green belt status with the latter,

Though time brought about waning interests that had me looking towards greener pastures,

Same could be said of cartoons once enjoyed in early youth, double-digits bringing changes in tastes,

Still retaining the spirit of a gamer, some habits won’t be abandoned in haste,

Music also invading personal interests, the seeds done been planted,

Gonna take some time, though, before the trees grow and blossom.

HERE’S JOHNNY!

Eleventh year on the planet wasn’t half-bad,

Sure, it had its moments, but overall it truly kicked ass,

Learned about The Goldrush at school, the good, bad and the ugly,

Culminated in a field trip to Bathurst, panned for gold but great rewards remained pure fantasy,

Lunchtime hijinks with the boys, playing soccer at the park,

Why they kept putting me as goalie is a mystery, clearly I was nothing short of sucky,

Learned the Macarena as part of the curriculum, not sure for what reason,

To keep us active, I guess, and at least it got us out the classroom,

Tamagotchi craze was on, virtual pets got kids fretting,

Served as class distractions back then like how social media is in the present,

Video gaming sessions on Friday and weekend afternoons were highlights every week,

Mulling over it in class, daily, got me drifting into daydreams,

Even that aspect of life evolved, out with the PC and onto the SNES,

Graphics were sick for its time, now guaranteed to be outdated as hell,

Took some time to watch the Olympic games on TV, two weeks in all,

Remaining oblivious to the magnitude of it all, though felt good whenever our nation won gold.

HERE’S JOHNNY!

Also celebrated a friend’s birthday at Intensity,

Had a great time though admittedly that one almost slipped out of memory,

Took a trip back to the motherland, five years after migrating Down Under,

Keen to experience it as a pre-teen, hopped on the plane fit to burst like a fire cracker,

Reunited with extended fam, even some I ain’t met before,

Jolibee never tasted so good, oh what fun it was to explore,

Shame about the language barrier, Tagalog wiped by five years living overseas,

Felt like an alien in my own birthplace, triggering confusion over true identities,

The heat was a motherfucker, don’t recall it being this hot,

All in all it was fun times, always a thrill to travel abroad.

HERE’S JOHNNY!

Took a beach trip with friends and fam, frolicked in the waves,

Still time to kill in the afternoon, plenty of time to strap on the blades,

Gliding across concrete following a refreshing swim,

Can’t compare to gaming but all in all a great time, still,

Still took the occasional trips to Wonderland despite interests dipping,

The thrill of it somehow fading, gaps between visits widening,

Growing pains evident, subtle spurts of the not-so-flattering kind,

Voice remained Minnie Mouse-like, body looking as though fuelled by pork rinds,

I’m talking round gut and little boy-titties, so much for the swimming and karate,

How the fuck did we get here? Just five years prior was praying mantis-skinny,

Looking back twenty-plus years later had a sudden realisation,

The page was slowly turning, teen years beckoned, gonna be a hell of a transition,

One year ago was carefree as could be, how can one year make a difference?

It’s still out there in the distance but nevertheless felt its imminence,

This year then the next before childhood’s end,

Gotta make the most of it, it’s rough and choppy seas ahead.

Here we go again, you’re huffing mad and triggered again,

Over something innocuous, just a couple doing things, still got your noggin steamin’,

He came straight out of a Disney film, the one that gets the princess in the end,

She shared your physical characteristics, their very presence sent you spinning right ‘round the bend,

Your id racing into overdrive, powering the darkest corners of your mind,

Staring at ‘em bitterly, hurling assumptions telephatically, same recycled labels that you play with on the daily,

That he’s led by his fetish, that she’s only after his money, that he’s a creep and a pervert, that she’s drowning in self-hatred,

The media did you dirty, apparently, that’s why she and others like her run towards westerners,

Stereotyping killed your chances, mocked dudes like you for your faces, speech patterns and the size of certain appendages,

From there it’s a slippery slope says you, now all other females are swerving you and your brothers,

It’s a whole new level of rejection, a special type of betrayal,

Castrated by media and popular opinion, cucked by the female of your species,

On some level your resentment’s understandable but truthfully you’re your own worst enemy,

If your assumptions are legit then others like you ain’t shit,

Surprise surprise, many are flying with a co-pilot and some are even swirling,

It’s not just luck and they ain’t the exception, don’t overlook the power of self-confidence,

So much for that crutch you’re carrying, that they with a fairer complexion are stealing all your women,

Ever checked the mirror lately? Therein lies the first of your problems,

When’s the last time you took a shower? You look more doughboy than Adonis,

Electricity bill must be poppin’, total screen time surpassing epic proportions,

What’s it like living on instant noddles? Sleeping less than 2 hours?

Who the fuck are you to demand their time and attention when you ain’t putting in the effort?

Miss ‘em with your entitlement, a one-sided union ain’t worth exploring,

No wonder you ain’t getting any, you need to re-evaluate your priorities,

Sit down, we ain’t done yet, time to hit you with a brutal dose of reality.

Females ain’t checking for an angry lonely man, that’s just real spit,

Got one life to live, Bro, how do you plan on spending it?

While you’re judging and pointing fingers your hypocrisy’s lighting countless embers,

You’re making mad incel losers of yourself and your fellow brothers,

It’s ironic how you rail at being mocked, judged and stereotyped while doing the same to girls and the types of guys they like,

You don’t know their story, not that it’s any of your concern,

Some might corroborate your bullshit accusations, but for the most part they just happen to meet, fall in love and exchange ‘I do’s’ at a park, beach or the altar,

What of girls that are faithful for lack of a better term? Will you lump ‘em with so-called self-haters?

Bet you will anyway, that stems from your defeatist attitude and lack of self-awareness,

And what of the dudes that look like you who are winning, could’ve been held back by the same labels that are haunting ya,

They weren’t hearing it, they defied it, went about their business and came up triumphant,

You could learn something from ‘em rather than mope around dragging leg irons,

You won’t achieve catch of the day status while voluntarily trapped in your self-imposed prison,

Focus on your own damn grass and quit peeking into other peoples’ yards,

Don’t like the hand that which you’d been dealt? Quit bitching and change the motherfucking cards,

And if she ain’t feeling ya due to shallow and prejudiced reasons, forget her and move on, there’s plenty of fish in the ocean,

Each individual is entitled to their choice of partners and yes, you’re included,

You too can be a baller, but there’s only one way to achieve it,

Work on your damn self and polish your game, nothing good comes out of entitlement,

Might have to grind harder than others but suck it up and get on with it,

Acquire new skills, set some goals, improve your vocabulary, fix your habits and be healthy, no rush just move along steadily,

No one said you had to openly compete with others, eyes down and focus on your business, tell ‘em via the noise generated from your successes,

Then before you know it you’re turning heads, what once held you back rendered inconsequential,

Here’s where you’re rewarded for rising above limitations and labels,

Feels good to be with someone with whom you’re compatible, doesn’t it? To go through life with no limits or excuses, never mind needless burdens,

To hell with circumstances and fuck the rules, a better life is waiting,

The sky’s the limit, level up and watch your story unfold as you want it.

In ’92 your journey began in a new land,

Settled Down Under for a better life with the fam,

Understandably daunting, all this is brand new,

Folks here look different from the ones that you knew,

Taller and different shades in terms of hair and complexion,

Speech patterns are different, as are the accents,

Language barrier ain’t helping, adding only to first day jitters,

Straight to first grade with limited communication, much to the other kids’ amusement,

ESL fixed you up in a hurry, by mid-year achieved fluency,

Aided by various cartoons that you were glued to on the daily,

All but promoted to citizen from foreigner, read a story to the class to mark the occasion,

Where The Wild Things Are to this day remains a story sentimental,

Began an interest in reading and writing, storytelling was where it’s at, 

Numerous awards earned from the teacher, made up for your weaknesses in science and in math,

Gradually loosened up, made some friends at school, enough to run into strife every once in a while, excessive chit-chat’s against the rules,

Visited a place called Wonderland for the first time, call it your local Disneyland,

No Mickey or Minnie in this pad, all ‘bout Fred Flintstone and his pals, but still lots of fun to be had,

They had a dinosaur exhibition on, triggering endless fascination,

Tastes in film, TV and books did it influence, while other boys geeked over cars, trucks, superheroes and even earth-moving equipment,

Cousin turned you onto gaming, you took to it like a duck to water,

Every weekend killed many hours on ‘em, sometimes bordering on obsession,

Might have been confusing times, plenty of changes dumped on such a young child,

But you look back on it with fondness for a reason, in many ways ‘92 was your life’s very foundation.

Fast forward to the next decade, year two of the new millennium,

Wonderland running on fumes, gonna be shut in a year or two,

Perfect analogy there for your present state of mind,

Late teens brought challenges of the draining kind,

The innocence of childhood gone, life took the kid gloves off,

The cheery kid had left the building, in his place a teen exasperated,

Angst and confusion strikes all teens, from physical appearance to thoughts on the future,

School-related pressures, changing dynamics with the parents, even those with the opposite gender,

It’s a tough place, that bridge between child and adulthood, can make and break an individual, some end up suicidal, wanna get off the carousel for good,

The magic that you took from gaming withering like a flame in the wind,

Music filled the void, mind’s thoughts expressed through punk and emo shit,

Round the clock bullying thrown in for good measure, let’s not forget friends’ betrayals,

Anger towards peers threatening to boil over, it’s a miracle you ain’t turned into a school shooter,

The world’s a cold and dark place, trust can easily be misplaced,

It’s sad, really, the thoughts of a young man in eleventh grade.

Skipping over now to the end of days according to the Mayan Calendar,

No clear threats to our existence, eight years later gonna feel something close to it,

By now made 27 trips around the sun, twenty years since grade one,

The happy kid begat a depressed teen that grew into a jaded adult pushing 30,

Last decade was a rollercoaster, so many ups and downs,

High school finished, university done and dusted, breakdowns in the personal life, definitely walked through your share of fires,

Disillusioned with the world and most folks in it, met one too many wolves in sheep’s clothing,

‘Fuck the world’ became a hidden mantra, stayed loyal to friends and fam while low-key seething in front of strangers,

Joined the ranks as an employee, making decent money, working out replaced the gaming, the body once-doughy ripped and strong like Bruce Lee’s,

Which brings us to the turning point, another life-changer was waiting ‘round the corner,

A martial art called wing chun, fit you like a tailored suit from day one,

No room for brute strength in this jawn, gotta stay relaxed but keep the form strong,

Previous understandings ‘bout hand-to-hand combat obliterated, life’s about new learning experiences,

Turned out to be the perfect tonic, the best thing that ever happened,

Found your tribe, finally, first true friends you had since elementary,

At first felt socially awkward like a wanderer traipsin’ ‘round the wilderness,

Shook off the rust rather quickly, soon you’re chopping shit up with ‘em regularly,

Reconnected, too, with an old high school buddy, got to know his pals and his lady, added ‘em to your circle of homies,

Went from being a hermit to Mr. Social in an instant, call it your own personal redemption,

Flirted with personal training, took the steps required for qualification,

Finished in a few months, studied the human body, psychology and such,

Soon further changes are happening, years’-old wounds finally healing,

Been a surly recluse since high school graduation, by year’s end the walls had collapsed around the fortress,

Still keeping the population at a distance, though, it’s baby steps through which we’re moving,

Still an achievement to have broke the shackles that you’d long been burdened with,

Ten years almost wasted but better late than never, though your ankles are calloused your heart’s been somewhat softened.

Up and up from there, one good year after another,

The puzzle pieces finally fell into place, felt as though you’d achieved a happily ever after,

Working arrangements took on a nomadic turn, we’re living in changing times,

Gig arrangements are in, jobs exported overseas, others taken over by A.I,

Five years later still at the Wing Chun Academy, worked your way up to Instructor eventually,

Once on the other side of warm-downs, now you’re the one leaving ‘em heaving and wheezing,

Took a cruise to New Zealand, just another of your many recent trips overseas,

Still hangin’ and chillin’ with your homies, all in all life seems pretty sweet,

Worked at three different firms, still making bank despite ever-changing scenarios,

All the while personal training on the side, the hustle’s hard but learned to embrace the chaos,

Half a decade after the turning point, felt like life would be rosy going forward,

But all good things must end, what comes up must go down, another big challenge seemed in order…

Which now brings us back into the present, it’s been quite a ride,

Many more mountains to climb, more chapters to write,

Five, ten, twenty and thirty years came and went so fast,

Before you know it you’re at the sunset, ready to rest at last,

What happens now ‘til then is entirely up to you,

It’s your journey and no one else’s, set your own timeframe and rules,

That dream run in the 2010s ended abruptly, in 2018 a new challenger stepped up to the fore,

Could have kept you on your knees had you not rallied like never before,

Seemed like the path smoothed out again but sadly not to be,

Reaching deeper into its bag of tricks, fate threw the world into a tizzy,

The new decade wasn’t some new Roaring Twenties, Covid played party pooper,

Now here we are, three years and counting and no closer to a solution,

Gotta soldier on anyway, if it’s worth fighting for gonna find a way,

Nothing to be gained from quitting, small steps eventually lead to big dividends,

You’re all grown up but went through different phases along the journey,

Be not ashamed of ‘em, personal evolution is an inevitability,

The happy kid and angsty teenager, sullen young man, desk jockey and would-be personal trainer,

The martial artist and aspiring writer, who knows what other hats you’ll wear in the future?

Got a long life still, ample time to set and knock down goals,

The ride ain’t over yet, Kiddo, grab that bull by the horns.