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It was all drawing to a close, still some last minute business but done with assessments and taking notes,

Bade farewell to peers and teachers alike, a fun day at the junior campus the prize,

A makeshift carnival the order of the day, inner children coming out to play,

Wasn’t feeling it at all, sadly, the previous weeks and months had taken their toll,

Treated like an outsider by the population so two middle fingers towards the fuckers,

The formal was up next, wore a white suit just like I did in year ten,

Sat on the sidelines watching the others, couples dancing, friends reminiscing, got me wondering if in ten years they’ll still be together?

Then came graduation, finally got my flowers for my efforts,

Couldn’t give two shits about it, just wanted to go home and be done with it,

Slim and pale in that photo, school blazer, tie and trousers fitting loosely,

Could’ve doubled as an alternative rocker and just as cynical and angsty,

The showdown is on, the final boss out there still smouldering,

Fourth term the battleground, time to put to test thirteen years of grinding.

Term three break no picnic, it was heads down and studying,

Eat, sleep and revise twenty-four-seven, weekends temporarily non-existent,

Expecting torture but truthfully found it strangely enjoyable,

Reading notes on my lonesome while the radio’s playing, quite the soothing experience,

Day one of testing finally arrived, initial confrontation with that final boss,

My specialty up first, feeling confident compared to most,

Still in the days of handwriting, putting pen to paper, of battling dominant hand cramping,

Regurgitating notes memorized onto paper, trying to sound coherent while the mind and heart are racing,

Day after day knocking ‘em over like bowling pins, strangely felt on top of things,

That strict routine paying dividends, felt that hitting the nineties was possible,

First week done and dusted, confidence rather high,

But the beast still lives, might have in store for me a big surprise,

Second and third weeks came and went, time away from the arena spent in my little room,

Took breaks when I could, not for long, Rocky soundtrack helping to set the mood,

That bus pass been gathering dust fast, P-plates ensure I can commute on my lonesome,

Still feeling strangely relaxed, pre-examination jitters had long passed,

The final week arrived, at last, two more hurdles before freedom,

‘Not long to go, Kiddo, go out guns blazing.’

Took care of the first before the second and last,

The final school exam ever, 13 years went by so fast,

Entered that great hall one last time, accompanied by the final group of peers and teachers I’d ever see,

Nothing but dry eyes here, won’t be exchanging hugs and kisses with ‘em, just want to get this over with, hop in my ride then leave ‘em,

Took a seat not far from the door, Rocky soundtrack pumping through my mind once more,

Plenty of writing will be involved, guaranteed that hand will be sore,

Pen to paper, jotting down responses while the hours are ticking,

Finished with half an hour to spare, finally, the final level completed,

Sat down in silence in a state of semi-meditation, taking in this winning feeling,

Dismissal arrived once three hours had elapsed, gathered my things then walked out the back,

Straight to the parking lot, two now-former classmates bade me farewell,

Grudgingly waved back, saw them off with a glare, hopped in my ride then drove off out of there,

Arrived home early, relief washes over, school’s out forever,

No blaze of glory as previously envisioned, student life ending without celebration,

The kid gloves are off, real life is about to begin,

Which way will you go? How far will you reach? Choice is yours, Kid, it’s yours for the taking.

Postscript:

Snail mail came knocking weeks later, moment of truth finally arrived,

Waiting for this a long time, let’s check out that UAI,

Fell short of the desired mark but still a passing grade,

Felt let down in way but a pass is still ok,

The next step is clearer, but that’s not to say it’s set in stone,

Still adrift at sea, sailing to nowhere on a dingy boat,

Much to their annoyance, their first-born seemingly on a hiding to nothing,

Failed to plan, planned to fail, thirteen years of schooling with nothing to show for it,

Then the Tax Office came calling, the work front taken care of,

As for further studying, signed up for a Cert IV TAFE course,

Seemingly back on track, feeling on top of the world,

Could only get better from here, sadly it just wasn’t to be,

Cut off from that nice-paying job, back to square one once more,

Good times, they never last, got me feeling gutted and ripped off,

Need to press on anyway, hoping for something better ‘round the corner,

In the distance a storm is brewing, thunderclouds are gathering.

There you go, hitting another milestone,

From rocking and rolling then crawling, now you’re levelling up to walking,

Previously done under supervision, guided by Ma or Pa’s hands or some wheelie contraption,

Time to try it unassisted, took five steps before tripping, dusted yourself off before continuing, gotta keep the momentum going,

That tiny body packed with determination and perseverance, sadly both may fade with age,

You see, Kiddo, some grow up mastering the art of quitting, giving in to fear and useless opinions,

How the hell does it happen? Sure is mind-boggling,

Not lumping ‘em all in the same box, but it gets them, seemingly, more often than not,

Not trying to scare ya, Kid, you’re still too young to get any of this,

But as long as we’re here might as well give it to you straight before you go on with the rest of your day.

Here’s you; just over a year old, still travelling through life’s early morning,

But peep at those four or five years older than you wishing they were bigger,

Grown-ups have all the freedom, they’re thinking, no bedtimes, schoolwork or pushy parents,

But the future will say otherwise, when you yourself are older you’ll realize,

Youthful fantasies turning out to be fallacies, now you’re dealing with real responsibilities,

Least of all your actions, the ripple effects could mean the difference between peace and catastrophe,

You’ll have learned to deal with scrapes to the knee, it’ll be a flesh wound, literally, compared to life’s other maladies,

Think that being the runt in the litter is a downer? Grown-ups definitely have it rougher,

Choices could mean life or death, ain’t nobody coming to save you from them, either,

Truth is, that once unquenchable curiosity could be blunted, as is that once mighty sense of adventure

For now your peers fear monsters hiding under the bed, later on the voices of doubt within their heads,

Where they were once carefree they’re more aware of their surroundings which could act as breeding grounds for overthinking, got ‘em skittish like creatures looking out for predators,

Even others’ opinions become serious business, never was a barrier between others among youngsters,

But in the grown world they’re using ‘em as weapons of mass destruction, of hazing and other methods potentially dangerous,

While the kiddies a few years ahead of you are pretending to be superheroes and all-conquering beings, their parents’ peers are ramping up the narcissism or giving in to insecurities,

Even the act of selfie-taking a whole new battleground, filters needed to gain some sort of advantage,

Social media a curse and a blessing, depending on how you use it,

Always cognizant of others, looking for strengths and weaknesses, for some it dictates their every movement when they should be staying in their lane and minding their own business,

So they end up moving cautiously, the fear of losing got them chained,

Growing up doesn’t equal total freedom, they get misty-eyed recalling their early years for a reason.

Just some thoughts that came to mind, watching you try and try again,

Setbacks inconsequential, keeping at it until you’ve mastered it, moving on if it’s mission impossible,

No tears from those eyes when it’s the latter unless you scrape a limb, time to find another option, conquer new worlds while you’re at it, it really is that simple,

Contrast that to Mom and Pops’ peers, too many of them throw in the towel too easily,

Don’t come at the writer, Folks, not all are under the same brolly,

But is it not uncommon to watch one fold by way of rage-quitting?

Whether it’s some personal project gone awry or even their own relationships?

Sure, they’re bigger, stronger and smarter but are they really braver?

You might think so since they can handle scenarios that have you hollering but in the face of failure, the unknown, their own image and others’ opinions they’re more or less cowering,

But what you and your fellow kiddos need to realize is that time, once an ally, has become an adversary,

The further along the journey, you see, the greater the knowledge of one’s immortality, some feel empowered while others feel expendable,

One false move can end it all, literally and figuratively,

Some outcomes reversible but in other situations game over,

That’s why they proceed with caution, can’t blame youth on reckless decisions,

Mom and Pops aren’t around no more to rescue them, what happens next is all up to them,

But it really shouldn’t stop ‘em from living,

From trying new things, taking up new hobbies, meeting others dancing to a different tune, maybe shoot for the stars, the sky and the moon,

Can’t jump off the pier without first assessing the depth of that water,

But waiting for too long has its costs, time squandered is time forever lost.

You need not worry about that for a while, still getting to know the world around you with a smile,

But as you get older please don’t neglect your inner child,

The pluck you’re displaying now, trying to take your steps,

Hope you hold onto it for life, use it to overcome life’s many tests,

Whatever it is you aim for, chase after it with all your might,

Success may prove elusive but if it matters you will keep up the fight,

In a few short years you might join your older peers wishing they were bigger,

To be too cool for school and rules, no one can tell them where to go and what to do,

Before you know it you’ll be there, too, one of the grown-ups you once looked up to,

The next generation are where you were at, make sure you keep those youthful fantasies intact,

Live life to the full, be bold and take chances, never mind others’ opinions, to hell with the haters, why concern yourself with the languishing and envious?

Keep trying or find something else, keep it simple, be good and soldier on forward,

They say life’s a rollercoaster, full of twists and turns,

Ride it for as long as you can, got plenty of years to burn,

Seeing that ever-smiling face of yours, only looking forward to the future,

Take it with you, Kid, never stop believing there’s always good around the corner.

Chalice in hand, held by unsteady fingers,

Contents bubbling, smell is sickening, guaranteed to make a killing,

Tipped then forced down your gullet, by your hand at your command,

Down goes the poison and now your insides are corroded,

Yet you’re sitting, waiting, for they that vexed you to meet their maker,

Though you’re the one that swallowed it, the world around you quickly fading,

The script been flipped, they were supposed to take the punishment,

Should’ve listened to Buddha in matters of holding onto anger,

You think you’ve got ‘em poisoned but in the end it’s you that ends up suffering,

Bearing that weight to spite and remind them that they are bottom-feeding, no-good, foul little cretins while those joints of yours are straining,

To hell with lifting your feet up, you’re thinking, keep it pressed against their necks,

Choke the life out of ‘em, metaphorically, make sure they never forget,

Do tell, Dear Friend, why hold onto wounds from the past?

How do you expect to heal when you keep picking at the scabs?

You think they’re fretting over sins? They’ve likely moved on from that shit,

Forged new lives, perhaps redeemed themselves, it’s been and done and buried deep,

Maybe they never cared, if your description of them’s accurate then they must be sociopathic,

Those types never give a thought to the chaos they create, they’re a special breed indeed,

Why not go another direction? Turn that anger into kindness?

Forgive then let go instead, finally, belatedly, take your foot off their necks.

You’re likely aghast, wondering why show them any mercy? It’s akin to condoning what they did, miss you with that shit,

You’ve got it wrong, though, no one’s asking you to let it slide,

But are such folks worth the effort required to carry hatred with you all your life?

You got to this point intact but choose to stay mad at ‘em,

You’re not hurting ‘em or beating ‘em, if anything just empowering ‘em by choosing to stay their victim,

Forgive them, Friend, drop the load and catch your breath,

Your time on earth is limited, why waste it caught up in these feelings?

Gotta keep your eyes on the road, the only way is forward,

Can’t look at the rearview for too long ‘lest you get into an accident,

So go ahead, let them go and set yourself free,

Life will be so much better, you’ll see.

Been here before, numerous times, at this point lost count,

Call it a speed bump, call it a trap, length of time spent here vary across the map,

The bane of many a writer, y’all know what it’s all about,

Once again traipsin’ around The Block, driven berserk by the ticking of the clock,

Charged out the gates armed with ideas, stacks of lines and chapters waiting to be written,

On a roll of sorts before Humpty Dumpty had a fall, just can’t make sense of it at all,

Reviewing the battle plan once more, looking for different avenues to cross, hopefully to then piece it all together, to make art from out the rubble,

Alas, it’s no use, dead ends in all directions, no telling how long we’re stuck,

Escape will take patience and, perhaps, a heavy dose of luck,

Thus opens a new fork in the road, no turning back from either option,

To wave the proverbial flag and walk or to grit those teeth and soldier on,

Really comes down to your dedication with this art that you’re creating,

Got something important to say? Maybe bills to pay?

Maybe you’re just passing time through creating, normal life will go unaffected,

If real life depends on it, if the message is worth spreading you’ll find a way to push through,

Been here before, why stop now? Think back to why you’d started, the cliché rings true,

If not then drop it, walk away then begin anew, maybe come back to it later, once time and wisdom brought about with it some answers,

Find a way or an excuse, the rest is up to you,

How bad do you want it? Will you leave or stay stuck in this place? Rise above or be consumed by it? Find a way or walk away? Better ask yourself some questions.

Chapter three, we’ve finally made it, the final level inching closer towards completion,

Barely holding onto that proverbial rope, it’s cracked and fraying while palms are bleeding,

Prepping for that final boss, taking care of its minions first,

Trials, assessments and exams galore, a carefree life exists no more,

Outside those gates, learning the inner workings behind the driver’s seat,

Been at it for one year already, locked on towards those red Ps,

Life at home base remains stable, though chipping on the surface,

Unsure if it’s wear and tear or a slow-paced crumbling,

Tensions mounting, taking a wee bit longer to resolve, at times those glory years feel like mere hallucinations, might as well had never happened at all,

Can’t forget that day, another explosive row between them three, retreated to the sanctuary, teens shed tears only under the veil of privacy,

Feeling the heat from some of the relos, nothing like pressure to create diamonds,

It also busts pipes, bet they didn’t know it, that’s how your guy here be feeling it,

There’s also the retreat, lasted two days and one night in an idyllic setting to ‘find ourselves’, that’s the bullshit they’re preaching,

Didn’t quite go as planned, yours truly got a revelation instead, any semblance of acceptance pretty much gone and fucking dead,

Couldn’t even shower in peace, the trolls were frothing and let loose,

No deadly kinky prison shit in here, but literal mudslinging was put to malicious use,

Way to convince a guy that he’s alone, fuck it, so be it,

Won’t rattle y’alls cages anymore, I’ll gladly go off on my lonesome,

Can’t lie, some friendly folks remained, well-meaning and approachable, unlike the snakes that went right for the jugular,

Treated them in kind but stopped short of letting them in, never know if wolves are lurking within, gotta be wary of whom I be trustin’,

Don’t bother asking ‘bout girls, dating or anything of the sort, no time for any of that, not while tests, gen pop and expectations are on riding my back,

Not that they’re checking for your boy and the feeling was mutual, at this rate will probably fly the skies without a co-pilot, off to the great unknown alone,

Every waking moment between classes spent in the library, a refuge from the bullies and the politics,

Finding a safe haven between shelves, can’t remember the categories but one of them was music,

Flicking through pages until the chiming of the bell, before another onslaught of assessments and unwanted interactions, life on campus a special kind of hell,

Speaking of, they say there’s a place reserved for those that take matters into their own hands,

Never did plan on turning towards a permanent solution, but to say I ain’t ever thought about it would be lyin’ about it.