Author: musical

Visited the Great Barrier Reef not too long ago,
Thought I’d try out snorkeling, feeling confident but haven’t done it before,
Been swimming like a shark since I was an itty bitty kid,
Slapped on a mask, snorkel and flippers, never mind that I looked ridiculous,
The ocean looked inviting, a safe blue haven from the broiling sun,
Donned my flippers before joining the others, ready for some fun,
It was anything but, got more than I’d bargained for,
Looked less like a duck to water, more like an amateur fighting Floyd Mayweather,
Swimming with flippers was a first, swallowed so much water I thought I’d burst,
Fucking saltwater went down like acid, burned the esophagus and spewed outta my nostrils,
‘Don’t open your mouth so wide!’ I implored myself,
Brain’s pleas go unheard, body just ain’t feeling it,
Gagging hard on that snorkel, wondering what the hell I’d gotten myself in,
And now my stomach’s rumblin’, it’s a lot of water I’m swallowin’,
Hope it’s no colitis flare-up, can’t run to the shitter wearing flippers,
Abandoned my swimming technique as I retreated to the bleachers,
Contemplated packing it in, couldn’t stand being humiliated,
Tried and failed, maybe I could live with it.

But the mind had other ideas, remembered the lyrics to an old song,
‘In the warrior’s code there’s no surrender, though his body stops, his spirit cries NEVER!’
You a grown-ass man, quitting ain’t a good look,
You’ll catch shade for that shit, regrets will leave you shook,
Thought about what it took to get here, had to pay to rent this equipment,
Plus the $70 price tag on that rental water-proof camera, lots o’ money to be wasting,
I done come this far, backing out now would be cowardice,
Slapped on the goggles, readjusted that snorkel, this mountain must be conquered,
Dived back out there, stayed close to the edges, practicing my breathing,
‘Calm down’, whispered I to this beating heart, ‘you’ll get through this thing,’
‘Small steps, Baby, no need to be rushing,’
Took off like Michael Phelps, camera in hand, had those flippers churning,
Finally found my rhythm, now I can start filming,
Waterproof camera in hand, admired the coral reef,
Flippers and fingers working overtime as I danced with all the fish,
Felt so wild and free, stayed away from other swimmers,
Sure was a welcome relief from the boiling-hot weather,
Embraced this newfound skill, could’ve swam around forever,
But time flies, soon it was time to leave, sailed back for shore after handing back the gear,
A chisel couldn’t wipe that smile, felt proud as can be,
On the verge of quitting but soldiered on, in my mind it was greatness achieved,
Didn’t matter in the grand scheme, this wasn’t no Alexander The Great shit,
Just another holiday memory, but still confirmation of my fighting spirit,
It was a lesson in perseverance, one that I was proud to take part in,
Passed it with flying colors, it was a day and money well spent.

The sun’s retired for the evening, put an end to heat and perspiration,
In the midst of all the smoke another year drawing to a close,
Another decade, too, color me mind-blown,
Standing outside, lapping up the cool breeze like an explorer awaiting daylight,
Deep in thought underneath the moonlight,
Seemed like only yesterday that it was January,
The past ten years still fresh as a daisy in this treasure trove of memories,
Time moves at warp speed, faster than Justin Gatlin when he was juicing,
If life’s a speeding car then Schumacher’s the one driving,
Took a seat under the verandah, like Marcus Aurelius I’m meditating,
On what’s changed and what’s remained constant since twenty-eleven,
Began aged mid-twenties, leaving it on the cusp of mid-thirties,
Metamorphosed from angst-ridden insecurities to wisdom and maturity,
Heavy duty thoughts swirlin’, thank goodness for these soothing beats,
Got Shiki No Uta pumpin’ as the reflection goes deep,
The clock ticks on, got me musing on the concept of time,
Can’t reclaim it when it’s gone, there’s no reset or rewind,
Finally opened the gates to this citadel, they’ve been closed for a good while,
Welcomed some new peeps into this life, others were sadly left behind,
Ain’t nobody’s fault, everyone got their own road, not all will stay for the long haul,
Can’t place expectations on anything or anyone, enjoy ‘em as long as they’re around,
Can’t cry over what’s been had and lost, life only moves forward,
Change is inevitable, some less comfortable than others,
This ten-year gauntlet brought about a variety of experiences,
Took up wing chun, mind and body scrambled at first,
Eight years on I’m still lovin’ it, while forming special bonds with fellow teachers and students,
Saw parts of the world, from the US to Japan and NZ, also reacquainted with my homeland,
Re-learned my mother language, perfection can wait but continuing to make improvements,
Even the working out’s changed, I ain’t immune to the ravages of time,
This vessel carries the scars from countless voyages in the high tide,
Gotta tone down the bluster and flash, that’s a young man’s game,
All about maintenance and strength, keep the body tight well into old age,
A long-time gig in Penrith came to a halt, ten years was long enough,
Had to leave the shores of familiarity, I guess, can’t grow without a little adversity,
Can’t forget the horrors of twenty-eighteen, mind, body and soul were tested,
First-time experiences of the hospital kind, guess I couldn’t duck and dodge ‘em,
Can’t say that I enjoyed it, but I can smile at the memory,
Proved that I had it in me, to go to war and come out with the victory,
Won’t always be a smooth ride, mishaps are part of the journey,
Some of my own making, we humans are extremely flawed beings,
Can knock you down or be your best teacher, gotta treat it like the latter,
The great ones always learned from mistakes and failures,
Time remains undefeated, can’t out-swim a white pointer,
Gotta ask myself what I want ‘fore facing off with the reaper,
‘What will be your legacy? Hate it or love it that shit matters,’
‘You can be defiant but can’t live life as an island,’
‘Someone’s bound to remember you as long as you’d existed,’
‘Find your purpose and pursue it, fuck the haters and doubters,
‘Forget about opinions, everybody’s got ‘em,
It’s your life, Bruh, chase the dream as long as you ain’t violatin’ or killin’,
Small steps every day, no matter how long it takes,
Walk alone if need be, if it matters you’ll always find a way,
This inner voice reverberates, the moon’s bloomin’ unabated,
Tomorrow’s a new day, year and decade, a hat trick of clean slates,
Drawing up a list of goals for the following year,
Make the most of it, got nothing to lose or fear,
No temporary fix, gotta contribute to the future and test the character,
Something to take along the journey ‘til the casket’s six-feet under,
Headed back indoors, the wind’s getting chilly,
Not long now before we ring in 2020,
Bring on the new chapter, time to spread these wings,
Fly high, Soldier, a new dawn begins!

New Year’s up and runnin’, sun turned this land into a furnace,
The heat continue slayin’, under the shade still feel like I’m fryin’,
Another meeting with the doc looms large, pleased to have come this far,  Another milestone could be ‘round the corner,
Hoping to be off these meds sooner rather than later.

Warning: This post contains some shitty references and stronger-than-usual coarse language

16/1/2019

The Christmas ornaments were eventually boxed up and stored once more and the New Year festivities drew to a close. Much of the early days of the year were spent sweating like a pig, painting the ceilings of the living room and kitchen and celebrating my father’s birthday – in that order although the sweating was a never-ending cycle rather than an isolated activity. January was the peak of the Australian summer and boy, did it deliver. Painting the ceiling in that heat and humidity was a trip, I found myself having to constantly wipe my forehead and eyes in between coating the ceiling with fresh paint. I also took quick breaks once in a while to allow my neck to relax as staring upwards for long periods of time could lead to some rather gnarly head and neck pain and I can only imagine how Michaelangelo must’ve felt while painting the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

The project took up almost the entire day, beginning with collecting the paint and necessary equipment from the tool shed in the backyard, moving the furniture around, laying down the drop sheets, mixing the paint, carrying out the project and then finally re-arranging and packing everything away hours later. Strategically laying down those drop sheets in order to spare the wooden floor below from any drops of paint in addition to moving and covering furniture was probably the most excruciating aspect of the task at hand. Every inch of that dark brown wooden floor had to be protected from any drop of that white ceiling paint as my mother would have blown a gasket if any drops made contact with that wood.
But in the end, the sweat and sore neck, shoulders and back were worth it as the ceiling shone a nice, bright white as though brand new once more. It was a day well spent.
Aside from sweating like a child nervously waiting to confess their sins to their parents and giving the ceiling a much-needed make-over, the family and I also celebrated my father’s birthday. A naturally laid-back man, he was content to spend the day with the family for a rather hearty pizza party at my sister’s apartment rather than go buck wild and paint the city red, not that he was ever the party like a rock star type in his youth. Mind you, Dominos and Pizza Hut didn’t get a cent from us as my awesome and amazing sister made two different pizzas from scratch and we as a family damn near ate ourselves into food coma for the next few hours. We spent the entire afternoon in one space but it was time well spent.

It was back to business a week later, though.

Once the sixteenth of January rolled around it was back to the matter of my health and ongoing recovery from Ulcerative Colitis. I had a meeting with Dr. B scheduled for the following week and he had requested that I submit a stool sample and undergo another blood test one week prior in order to get a better idea of the state of my health and bowel functions. The significance of this meeting could not be understated – positive results could see a further reduction in my Imuran and Mezavant dosages and my birthday was also during the following week so I was looking forward to an early birthday gift from one of the good doctors that had played a major role in helping me conquer this damn disease.
But first, I had some shit to attend to, literally, as well as another pesky needle in the arm to endure.
And so on the morning of the sixteenth, following another trip to that porcelain throne, I donned on a disposable glove, took a deep breath and…….yeah, I’ll spare you the details. Let’s just say that I went mining for gold and came away with a decent-sized nugget that I placed in the small container provided to me by the pathology clinic located close to home.

For the record there was no blood or abnormalities so eureka for me! Not that I ran down the streets naked to announce the good news like Archimedes did.

My father and I drove to the pathology clinic that was located inside a small shopping center not far from home at around mid-morning. I submitted the container that held the stool sample to one of the receptionists, who in turn took it to the appropriate lab, and my father and I then took our seats in the waiting area, accompanied by a decent number of patients who were intermittently watching the morning news on a television screen behind the front desk. The sweet smell of coffee and donuts wafted through the automatic doors whenever a patient walked in or out due to a small Donut King stand situated not far from the clinic.
I was called in by a nurse after a fifteen minute wait and took a big drink of water before following her into one of the clinics, a rather tight space that, once the doors were closed, would have made a claustrophobic feel uneasy. I took a seat and answered a few questions regarding my contact, address and medical details before the nurse asked me to present my left arm, on which she strapped a tight clamp to raise a vein on the crook of my left elbow. She disappeared into another room for a while before returning with the needle plus a few tubes to place blood samples in.

Oh boy, here we go…….

I braced myself and gritted my teeth as she drove that needle through my arm and drew a few tubes’ worth of blood before placing a band aid over the wound. The nurse neatly packed the tubes away before giving me the green light to leave.
“No strenuous activity for at least two hours,” she instructed, “especially with that left arm.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I nodded, “all good.”
“Have a lovely day.”
“You too. Thanks.”
And that was that. Another jab done, another load of crap submitted. Recovery and monitoring life is fun, ain’t it?

I’d also kept up the blogging throughout this time, still recounting the trials and tribulations of 2018 in addition to churning out stories and poems based on random anecdotes from my childhood and past experiences and some that I conjured up from my imagination. I have a rather good memory when it comes to occurrences in my lifetime and while I can’t say that I lived a life that rivaled that of Forrest Gump’s there were more than a few interesting stories in that enormous storehouse to tell. I had a rather good momentum going, writing whenever I could spare at least half an hour in a day and posting at least one entry per week and giving readers a glimpse of what I can do with words although recalling some of the more brutal months of the year 2018 still made me shudder with discomfort and shame. I didn’t mince any words and kept it raw and honest as I wanted my posts unfiltered and to come straight from the heart.  

One day as I was writing, something within me began to stir. No, it wasn’t a need to rush to the can, rather, it was old, familiar feelings that I hadn’t been acquainted with for more than ten years. You see, I had set my sights on becoming a writer of some degree sometime towards the end of high school, mainly because English and writing were my strongest suits in school and I’d always been told that I was a rather good storyteller, plus I enjoyed putting pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and allowing my imagination to run wild like streakers on the football pitch prior to being apprehended by the long-suffering security team. I’d written several poems when I was younger for fun, but also as a means to combat anxiety, depression and other ill-feelings, and along the way I also decided to write some stories that I contemplated turning into books one day but none of these projects took off as I was crippled by both fear and a slacker’s lack of drive and no one was willing to slap me across the head and tell me to quit fucking around and focus. I was also my own harshest critic and would pack it in whenever I found myself trapped in that desolate place known as ‘Writer’s Block’ and would give up far too easily if a particular story seemed to be heading nowhere rather than gut it out and make adjustments. I was a different beast back then, an insecure little wuss with a chip on his shoulder, a stark contrast to the determined fighter that stared colitis in the face, flipped the bird at it then kicked its ass and was once also voted by the Wing Chun Academy as its Instructor Of The Year.
Anyway, as I typed out the colitis stories a voice in my mind wondered if maybe I could rekindle the whole ‘I wanna be a writer’ thing and turn this tale into a book.

Holy crap, did you just go there!?

I had to laugh. Even this older, wiser version of myself dismissed the idea as a pipedream. Me? A published author? Yeah, good one, dude!
But what if you succeed?
Well, there was food for thought. I wouldn’t know unless I tried, right? A cacophony slogans and clichés instantly ran rings around my mind.
Give it a try; go hard or go home; be brave and be strong; live with no regrets; it’s now or never; go out in a blaze of glory…….’
Yadda yadda yadda and all that jazz.
And let’s not forget the ol’ Bruce Lee quote, ‘Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.’

The more I thought about it the more it seemed to light a fire in my belly. Shit, right then and there I felt that I could run up and down Kilimanjaro without a break before circumnavigating the globe on a paddle board! But every yin has a yang and voices of doubt suddenly began to speak up, going toe to toe with that inner drill sergeant that had pushed me to fight on during times of strife. Anxiety kicked into overdrive and I felt as though I had regressed back to being that fucking kid again, the one who was bullied almost every day of his life in school and made to believe that he was a nobody.

Go ahead and try, Chump. They’ll all laugh and boo at you and you’ll crawl into a cave and suffer until the day you die. No one will look for you or miss you, and it’ll be archaeologists, not your loved ones, who will eventually discover your rotted corpse, still sitting balled up in a corner with his face in his hands like the motherfucking loser that you were.

Brutal, ain’t it. The mind can be our own worst enemies sometimes but it can also be our greatest strength. Amongst those voices of doubt, my inner drill sergeant was fighting his way through to gain my attention and once he got it, he immediately and aggressively slammed in his two cents like the would-be victor of a dice game throwing out their winning hand.

Where your balls at, Fool!? Didn’t you learn anything from your past? You kicked severe pancolitis in the ass in the space of a few months, the Wing Chun Academy voted you Instructor Of The Year a couple’a years ago and you’ve lived to tell the tale of every shitty day that you’ve had since you was a little kid, even the darkest ones that should have broken you, so why you still selling yourself short!? Don’t you fucking tell me that you’re scared shitless of daring to pursue your dream! You’ll kick yourself for the rest of your life if you don’t try and you’ll be letting those jerks that picked on you a long time ago win. You bitch-made motherfucker, listen to that Nike slogan and JUST DO IT!!!!

Domino, motherfuckers! Man, if that drill sergeant was a living, breathing person I’d imagine that he’d look and sound exactly like B.A. Baracus from The A-Team. I wasn’t about to disrespect a direct order like that and as I wrote and posted one blog after another I began to listen more to that drill sergeant’s profanity-laden pep talk. Turning my story into a book did seem like a rather wild idea for now but it wasn’t totally impossible. I didn’t even care if it garnered bad reviews, if it didn’t become a top 10 best-seller or if readers decided to mock me for my symptoms rather than learn something while being entertained. I’d been called plenty of nasty names and was on the wrong end of many insults and taunts in my youth so no amount of shit-talking and harsh feedback really fazes me anymore. I just wanted to get my work out there and fulfill that goal. It didn’t matter when and how long it took, I just wanted it done before they bury my ass in the dirt or scatter my ashes. I had all the motivation in the world to do it – I felt as though not enough people knew about this disease and there is presently no real cure for it, maybe I could make a difference by telling my story. Thinking about it conjured up that ol’ quote from Tupac Shakur;

“I’m not saying that I will change the world, but I guarantee that I will spark the brain that will change the world.”

No, I’m not suggesting that anything I write will alter the course of human history but maybe retelling my battle in raw, no-holds-barred form could spark the minds that will set about putting this disease to justice once and for all and save many bowels and anxiety-riddled minds everywhere. At the very least, it was worth a shot.

Driving down the highway, all by his lonesome,
Silver steed shootin’ straight like a laser beam, no explosion,
Admiring the ever-changing scenery, mountains, fields and trees,
Tempted to pull over and capture it, this shit’s Instagram-worthy,
Got Without Me soaring from the radio,
Not the Eminem song but the one by Mac Demarco,
The serenity washes over, got him thinkin’ ‘bout her,
How life’s been treatin’ her, been two years since he’d seen her,
Funny how life works, ain’t no guarantees,
Can’t take nothing for granted, regret’s one vindictive seed,
People included, even the tightest bonds aren’t immune,
Best friends become strangers, ‘together forever’ seems like empty platitudes,
Some folks gotta learn the hard way, been an interesting few years,
How’d it come to this? They were thick as thieves.

‘Twas at a crossing on the way to the train station, complete strangers that got to talking,
Two lone wolves headed down the same way, it was a welcome change, alleviated the work-induced headaches,
Parted ways through different trains, that was the end of that,
Fate thought otherwise, built up something ‘fore knocking it down flat,
Reunited not long after, they might as well had been stalking,
Same way, same place, didn’t see this Groundhog Day thing coming,
Decided to hang for a while, long days can work up an appetite,
Shared a meal, nothing special, just two friends grabbin’ a bite,
Must’ve looked like something more, had onlookers clutching at straws,
Opposite genders can hang platonically, sorry for the spoiler, y’all,
Called it a night after an hour and a half, walked to the station once more,
And just like that, a new friendship was born.

That’s the way it went, nothing more nothing less,
Don’t get y’all’s hopes up, they ain’t anything but friends,
So it seemed before things started to feel differently,
Might as well had heard that little jingle from Love Actually
So much for keeping it platonic, this couldn’t be happening,
It’s the end of the friendship if it ain’t reciprocated,
Sure looked that way, she wasn’t having none,
Good luck scaling that wall, must’ve been funded by Trump,
And so it went, two years riding that fucking carousel,
Round and round it goes, got him feeling sorry for himself,
Donned the mask daily, hiding his true feelings daily,
She ain’t playin’, in the Friendzone he will stay,
That cold and brutal, barren place,
Fake-smiling and feigning neutrality, ‘twas an incel’s nightmare come to life,
Cursing fate for its cruelty, didn’t ask for all this pain and strife.

Two years spent playing a role to which he was resigned,
Beginning each day thinking of her with a sigh,
Eyeing a promotion that will never happen, it’s lonely when feelings remain unrequited,
Life ain’t easy in the Zone but there was a welcome reprieve,
Work and life got them separated, allowing a recharge however brief,
Chopped it up, still, whenever possible,
Difficult proposition with the different time zones,
He finally got over her, that was a relief,
The burden’s lifted, it was the sweetest kind of freedom.

But it couldn’t last, wasn’t long before they were reunited,
Picked up where they left off, forbidden feelings rekindled,
Once again on that sick cycle carousel, Jason Wade sang about this shit,
Crushing on her once more, she remains painfully indifferent,
Sick of living a lie, of feeling torn up inside,
Gotta come clean, though it could blow the friendship to smithereens,
Couldn’t see her in person so planned the next best thing,
Gonna do it by phone, soldiering on reluctantly,
Called her that night, D-day began with chatter and laughter,
‘Twas like old times, past two years had been like no other,
Time to get serious now, will the union come undone?
Got kinda emotional, no lie, now it’s out in the open,
Told her the truth, no bullshit, just like peeling off a band-aid,
She remained composed, thankfully handled it with grace,
She didn’t reciprocate, but promised that they’d stay friends,
It was too good to be true, it was the beginning of the end.

Continued to talk periodically, hangouts ended effective immediately,
Takes two to keep the ship afloat but one half’s bailin’ on the lifeboat,
Maybe she’d moved on, had she found someone else?
‘Fine by me,’ says he, wished her nothing but happiness,
Can’t keep what ain’t truly yours, might as well let her go,
Hurts like fuck but time heals open sores,
Slowly drifting apart now, sailing off to different straits,
No parting words or tearful goodbyes, maybe this was fate.

Back on the freeway, headlights on as the sun starts fading,
Two years now since they’d drifted, five since the first meeting,
Will they cross paths again? Maybe if pigs start flying,
You’d played your roles well but that chapter’s done and dusted,
Smile at the memories, look back with fondness and nostalgia,
But don’t flog a dead horse forever, living backwards can’t be good for ya,
Drive on, young man, the future’s still bright,
You’re still breathing, still living, still driving, you’re still very much alive.

Happy New Year, time to kick it into gear,
Leaving the horrors of 2018, a new adventure begins,
May this be one of good health and prosperity,
Confident in the knowledge I can overcome adversity.

1/1/2019

Because the Christmas period was spent at my aunt and uncle’s house and then my sister’s apartment it only made sense that the responsibility of entertaining the family during the first day of 2019 would fall to us, a passing of the torch if you will. The sun had decided to unleash its wrath upon the land on the first day of the year and the temperature outside soared to levels that would could allow one to fry an egg on the sidewalk and maybe some bacon on the side while they’re at it. Summer was well and truly at its peak and I can only imagine how crowded the beaches would have been.
We were happy to take on the role as hosts but there was a catch. The air conditioning in the main house, now almost twenty years deep on the job, had all but decided to pack it in. Different parts of the house would remain warm and stuffy while the living room, where the air con was situated, would be the only area that would adequately feel that precious cool and even then it didn’t feel like anything full-strength.

Should have replaced that thing months ago.

In our defense it functioned well enough months prior but then that damn contraption decided to rebel against us once summer had arrived of all times, like a long-suffering employee that had once again been denied a pay rise.
Is that impeccable timing or what?
We knew that keeping the celebrations in that steam bath of a main house would have been tantamount to insanity and so we assigned the living-slash-dining room area of the granny flat in the backyard as the main gathering area as the air conditioner there was in good working order. It was a shoe box compared to the main house and much of that box was overtaken by a wide dining table and a massive couch in the corner that covered almost a quarter of the room but it was still an ideal setting for a rather small gathering, we weren’t exactly catering to the entire suburb.

My parents, sister and I prepped up that granny flat, tidying up, setting the table and bringing meals from the kitchen of the main house. My aunt and uncle arrived shortly before lunchtime and just as it was during Christmas at their home and Boxing Day at my sister’s apartment, we spent the day indoors chatting about a range of subjects over food and drink, mostly picking up where we left off from during those two days. We also heard from relatives that lived interstate, and once again we texted them some photos of the meals that we were enjoying to show them what they were missing out on. The massive couch in that room also unfolded into a bed and we unrolled it for the day, allowing all but two guests at a time to have a good lie down while conversing. Several people took turns napping throughout the day but I never got to have a turn on that couch since I was the primary caretaker of that granny flat and so was automatically assigned the duty of host and the host never sleeps. It wasn’t a role that completely suited me as I was far from being your usual talkative, do-the-rounds-type of host and mostly faded in the background.

I also retreated into my room once in a while for some ‘me time’ and read a few pages of Days That Changed The World. After five days I was close to the very last chapter that looked at the September 11 attacks and it was quite an incredible journey that this book took me through over these past few days, witnessing the rise and falls of ancient empires, the impact of the migration and settlements and the conflicts and ideas that brought out the best and worst in people, all of which served as the spark for a chain of events that shaped the world as it is today.
Kinda makes you wonder what could have been had some, if not all, of those events had never happened. Would life, as we know it, have ended up better or worse.
It was the same type of experience during my recovery in August and September of the previous year with some of the random, mostly historical articles that I read on the internet. That’s the beauty of reading about history, you find yourself thrilled, fascinated, horrified, amused and stupefied by the events in the past that paved the way to the present day. Then there were also some of the notable people that stamped their names in the history books, a collection of heroes, villains, weirdos, geniuses, artists, performers, warriors, inventors, politicians and royalty, some of whom lived lives that sounded too damn strange and disturbing to be real.

Hirō Onoda, I am looking at YOU!

The truly twisted were often at the mercy of their psychological shortcomings, egos and/or some ideal, often flawed, that they embraced wholeheartedly at the expense of their judgment and common sense. They would have easily made some of the nutcases that you hear about in the news today seem normal and tame in comparison. Even the ways that some of these people met their demise would make you cringe. Take a look at the painful, embarrassing and unfortunate way that Arius the Heretic died. As a one-time victim of Ulcerative Colitis reading that shit (no pun intended) gave me the creeps!

My uncle had fallen asleep on that comfy couch when I walked into my room and upon exiting I noticed that my aunt had joined him in Dreamland and so my sister and parents were left to continue the conversation. My parents were seated on a dining chair each, their backs to the table, while my sister sat on the couch, looking as though she would gladly doze off, too, if given permission to do so. That sure is one comfy couch, yet somehow I never feel drowsy whenever I’m sitting or lying on it. Whether I was immune to that couch’s comforting touch or was simply too hyperactive and anxious to fall for its charms is something that I haven’t quite figured out yet.
The sun was still shining bright at around 4pm and it was my mother’s turn to fall asleep on that couch. She was mostly running on fumes throughout the day, having stayed up past midnight the previous night, so that rest was well deserved. My aunt and sister stayed indoors enjoying the artificial cool from the air conditioner while my father and uncle converged outside to admire the plants and trees in the backyard. The afternoon sky had kicked in and the sun’s rays mixed with the damaging smog spawned by passing cars’ fumes to render the sky a light shade of pink. Thank goodness we had one working air conditioner, it was still tropical weather-warm outside and the air inside the main house was so thick with heat that it might as well had been one massive sauna

No need to go to Iceland for a good spa session, the main house’ll do.

I spent most of the afternoon outside with Pops and Unc but once in a while, I retreated to the comfort of the air conditioned granny flat. I even entered the main house at times to see if it had cooled down in there, which I knew was unlikely, but I did like the change in scenery so to speak. I also took some time in the main house to have a light meal between lunch and dinner, so lost were my family members in their respective conversations that they had left some of the food in the house unattended and so yours truly took full advantage like Garfield going for Jon’s unguarded dinner.

Meh, it’s still the holiday period. Let’s continue to eat, drink and be merry!

My aunt and uncle both headed home at around five in the afternoon and that left my family and I to a family dinner an hour later before my father and I drove my sister back to her apartment and then calling it a night. It was a nice way to spend the first day of the year and I looked forward to bringing Dr. B some more good news a few weeks later during our next meeting. My birthday was also up for the end of the month and so I hoped that a reduction in my dosages was on the cards as an early birthday gift.
But first, it was time for some rather serious business of a different kind – I’d allowed myself to splurge during this period and so it was time to make up for my ‘transgressions’ through training. My father and I had also agreed to re-paint the ceiling in the main house and so that was something else to take care of. The holiday period had come to an end and it was time to find out what 2019 had in store.

Read about your story, stumbled upon it when I should’ve been working,Work days drag on and on, like Jack Torrance I’m succumbin’ to madness and boredom,
Surfed the web on the sly, just a short break, not trying to be defiant,
Skimmed through google and YouTube in between dealing with clients,
Read about your plight, I can’t lie, ‘twas a depressing read,
Had your whole life ahead of you but it wasn’t meant to be,
Born into misery, a battler from jump, no time for a childhood,
Momma didn’t care, step-dad was a turd, you did the very best you could,
Took care of your younger siblings ‘cuz the ‘rents wouldn’t do shit,
Shared your life online, provided your audience with a glimpse into your life,
Started a blog, too, airing out feelings you’ve held onto for so long,
Strangers on the ‘Net made you feel like you belonged,
You let them in, openly, shared with them the good, bad and fuckin’ ugly,
Unsure if they were even listenin’ but ‘twas better than keeping it boxed in,
Depression and anxiety, suicidal thoughts, poverty,
Other nasty shit best left unsaid, it was all fucking grubby,
Also shared what was deep in the depths of your heart, you were one of a kind,
Had a lot more to give, crippled by the demons that infected your mind,
Coped with it the only way you could, the blade’s sweet kiss cut deep,
Can only imagine how many nights you’d cried yourself to sleep,
Pain and suffering are poisonous in extra large doses everyone has a breaking point,
Twelve years old you’d seen enough, time to check outta this joint,
Got dressed in your best, even the make-up was sharp,
Like you were headed to a party in those jeans and white top,
No celebrations to be had, ain’t gonna be no happy ending,
Took matters into your own hands and even live-streamed it,
This doll’s irreparably broken, the New Year was two days’ shy,
No turning back now, noose is tied, tears flowed as you uttered your last good-bye,
Fifteen minutes the feed lasted, if only you knew the uproar generated,
No one listened when you were living, hope Mom and Pops get what’s coming to ‘em,
Closed that link, back to work, fuck it, can’t stay focused,
You were just a kid, it shouldn’t have ended like this,
That shit stayed for the rest of the day, like a stubborn stain,
Just won’t let go, rotting within like a fuckin’ plague,
Been almost a year now since you checked outta here,
You would be thirteen, in different circumstances who knows what could have been?
Fly high, little angel, no one can hurt you now,
Hope you’d found peace and happiness, wherever you are,
No more tears and sadness, your abusers are long gone,
It’s a shame you couldn’t be saved, but now you’re free, keep shining on.

Rest In Peace.

The end is nigh, time to leave this year behind,
For the first time, had to battle for my life, glad to leave it on a high,
Taking it easy for the last day, no FOMO for yours truly,
All due respect to the masses going out to celebrate and party,
Taking the lessons learned for future battles that lie ahead,
Gonna be a long life, hopefully, gotta stay prepared.

27-31/12/2019

The year 2018 was soon down to those final five days of the year, long-considered a limbo of sorts that connected the Christmas Season to the New Year period where it was very easy to lose track of the time and date. For some people these last few days were spent on a much-needed holiday that probably started during the Christmas period. Others might take time to reflect on the year that was and come up with resolutions for the next year. Some might try to mend some fences and get their affairs in order so they can enter the new year on a clean slate. Others might finally start on some long-overdue projects around the house that had been put on hold for longer than the cold war due to the demands of work and home life (and, possibly, also due to lack of motivation to just start). Whichever way they went, one thing was for certain; damn near everyone on the planet would be gearing up for New Year’s Eve, planning the mother of all blowouts that would reach its zenith when the clock struck midnight to leave 2018 behind, guns blazing, and enter 2019 with an almighty bang.

Well, having already done the holiday thing a few weeks ago, for my household it was mostly about cleaning up and fixing things around the home. In addition to repainting the ceiling and tending to the gardens, the wardrobe in my old room in the main house had long been one big disorganized mess, as it is with most wardrobes that last from an individual’s childhood up until the day that they move out. I’d taken my clothes with me but left the other crap stored in there and no one bothered to get rid of them, much to my relief as I wasn’t too keen on disposing of any of those items just yet. But a clean-up was long overdue and so with my mother’s help I finally set about clearing up that cave. My clothes were long gone, now stored in my current wardrobe, but that old space still housed the boxes that contained my old video game consoles, some old toys from childhood that somehow evaded that boxes in the garage, mementos from school and a whole bunch of other random items that could easily have been included in a time capsule for my childhood and adolescent years.

How the hell can such a small space house so much crap!?

As it is with most ‘spring cleaning’ projects I was unenthusiastic in the beginning and it took some effort to rouse my body into action but as my mother and I cleared up the space into something resembling order I warmed up to the task. Digging through those old blasts from the past quickly became a rather fun nostalgia trip as I was quickly reunited with items that I hadn’t seen in more than ten years. Among them was an old pass from a now-defunct amusement park, my old school bus pass, several old wallets that varied in appearance and material depending on which stage of life that I had used them and of course, some of my old, expired school and travel IDs and driver’s licenses, complete with unflattering mug shots. I took one look at them and immediately wondered what the fuck I was thinking in terms of what I was wearing and the way my hair was styled in each picture. It’s quite incredible, the powerful effect of old photos from your adolescence and early adulthood. It can touch your heart and make you yearn, through misty eyes, to relive the good ol’ days once more even just for a while, but on the other hand can also make your skin crawl with shame and regret at some of the trends, fads, styles or whatnot that you bought into. Everyone is guilty of it at some point in their lives and I was no different.

Ugh! Burn that shit!

I also discovered what seemed like a mountain of old birthday and Christmas cards that I had kept in some of my drawers throughout the years, all still in their original envelopes and still in great condition, along with some of the school awards that I had earned back in the day. Those little school award cards (yellow ones for good deeds, blue ones for outstanding deeds) were seen as badges of honor for students back in the day and served as fuel for bragging rights but, in reality, they were just pieces of paper with your name on it that expressed how great you were at kissing the teacher’s ass. I sat there for a while perusing through those greeting cards and awards, taking a brief trip through memory lane before soldiering on with the cleaning. It took roughly two hours to clean up that old closet but it turned out to be two-odd hours well-spent and my old closet looked a hell of a lot better, too, for it.

How ‘bout that….this closet has a floor and walls?

I also started reading an old book that I found in my old room during the clean-up that I had received as a Christmas gift a few years ago titled Events That Changed The World. It was quite a fascinating read and included such events in history as The Athenian Navy’s victory over The Persians in The Battle Of Salamis, The Assassination Of Julius Caesar, The Rise and Fall Of Constantinople, The Fall Of The Bastille, The Storming Of The Winter Palace, both World Wars, The Moon Landing, the invention of the telephone and the 9/11 Attacks. That book certainly helped me pass the time as thirty minutes would easily come and go quicker than I could believe after reading just a few chapters! It would be a stretch to say that I am a history buff but I do find reading about moments and stories from history, particularly the macabre, the twisted and the downright unbelievable and hilarious, a rather soothing and fascinating experience. I’d done plenty of reading during the thick of my recovery, exploring the classic novels that my father collected over the years in addition to the random articles on the Internet that I’d stumbled across (the infamous Bone Wars that uncovered the fossils of some of the most iconic dinosaur species in North America from 1877 until 1892 was a rather amusing and interesting read as well as some of the weird and disturbing ways that some historical figures met their ends) and this book that had been collecting dust in my old bookshelf for years quickly became my constant companion during these last few days of the year 2018.

The next day was spent outside washing the family cars, Christina and Sylvia, under the broiling sun. Although I was drenched from the splash back as a result of rinsing the vehicles with the hose on full blast the sun’s intense heat still damn near killed me and I sweated like a blacksmith standing close to a kiln. Having not cleaned the vehicles for quite some time some of the dirt and grime that had accumulated on them were quite difficult to scrub off and at one point I worked so hard at trying to remove a gnarly stain on Christina’s front bumper, scratching away like a stressed cat, that I was almost certain that I’d take the paint off. Thankfully it was nothing but red after I’d burned my forearms silly rubbing off that piece of grime.
I should be more diligent with this shit.
Cleaning up Sylvia also came with its own challenges. She was not quite as big and burly as Christina but what she lacked in length and width, she made up for with height. Being vertically-challenged, trying to scrub Sylvia’s roof tested the endurance in my toes and calf muscles as I was forced to stand on tippy-toes while scrubbing as much of her roof as I could manage. I might as well have been trying to give LeBron James a head massage without asking him to sit down first.

After a few buckets of water, plenty of scrubbing and several sprays of the hose both cars shone brightly like diamonds under the sun in bright red and silver, respectively, burning holes into both of my eyes whenever I made direct eye contact with them, Christina in particular. Maintaining eye contact with that shiny red for more than a few seconds would have come at the cost of one’s eyesight, like Christina had suddenly become Chernobyl’s infamous Elephant Foot for the eyes.

My sister dropped by on the afternoon of New Years’ Eve and we as a family spent the last day of the year together. Earlier during the day, I took some time to reflect on my run through the twelve-month gauntlet of first-time experiences that I didn’t quite sign up for, which was the best way I could sum up the year that was 2018. I paced around the backyard as I meditated, admiring the various plants that my parents and I tended to every weekend, looking back on how I started the year in great shape and good health before being ambushed by a serious disease that I had no idea even existed and then bouncing back again. It was certainly a year of firsts from a health standpoint, for the first time I’d experienced being a hospital patient, I’d undergone a blood transfusion and colonoscopy and was then forced to play the extended role of a recovering patient on medication.

Quite the odyssey, huh? I might as well change my name to Homer.

I lived my entire life believing that I didn’t need to experience any of that until I was at least middle-aged.
But deep down I knew why I had to go through it.
As the cliché goes, life is full of surprises and challenges and sooner or later we will all be severely tested. When I look at my life I can’t say that I faced any serious hardships. I wasn’t born into extreme poverty, never had to fight for survival on mean streets, I grew up in a stable home and never battled substance abuse or any life-threatening health conditions. Prior to this year my hardest personal battle was putting up with bullies in high school and as downright sucky as that experience was, it was a picnic compared to some of the shit that others go through. It’s not like those jerks left me scarred for life or anything of the sort.
I guess life saw it fit to throw colitis my way to truly test my mettle and in doing so attacked an aspect of my life that I thought I had completely figured out – my health and well-being. Not only were my mental and physical strength tested but this year also forced me to re-evaluate the way I lived, ate, slept and trained, which I walked around for years believing were pretty close to spot-on.

You know, this humble pie tastes really good. Put some crow on it.

But despite being humbled, it was an empowering feeling to know that I had it in me to fight back rather than lay down when life decides to derail the train and that I had passed that fucking test before the year was out with flying colors, staying cool and calm during the heat of battle though there were definitely some bad days.
Not bad, eh?
We had dinner as a family before taking it easy for the rest of the evening, preferring to stay home and eventually tuning in to catch the midnight fireworks on TV. We had gone to watch it live in the city many years ago and while having a ringside seat to the show was an exhilarating experience, dealing with crowds before, during and after was not, especially during the home commute where the train station almost resembled a bomb shelter housing the population of an entire small city while inside the trains, passengers were crammed into carriages like sardines in a tin. Still, it was another tick off the bucket list and we could say that we did it but, yeah, staying home turned out to be a far more appealing option.

As the last few minutes of 2018 ticked by I paced back and forth around the living room while my parents watched the live TV coverage of the New Year’s Eve party on Sydney Harbor, my way of trying to stay awake as drowsiness began to creep up on me. I didn’t need to think long and hard about any New Years’ Resolutions, I simply resolved to continue living healthily, stressing less and of course, to keep the colitis dead and buried forever.  
They will probably be my resolutions for every year from here on out.
Not really resolutions, more like lifestyle choices.
A few minutes later, we bade farewell to the year 2018, warts and all, at the stroke of midnight and for the next fifteen minutes watched the fireworks on TV light up the sky above The Harbor, accompanied by a soundtrack of some of the musical hits from the year that included the song from the Black Panther soundtrack that inspired this particular blog post.

I headed to bed afterwards with a clear mind and looked forward to what 2019 had to offer. I’d like to think that I took the lessons learned from 2018 to heart and was hopeful that 2019 would be a glorious year. A new year meant new opportunities and a clean slate so I was keen to see what it had in store.

I’m ready, let’s go!

The afternoon breeze under the warm sun, enough to calm the hardiest among us,
Presiding over another school day ending, students walk home chattering in excitement,
On the other end of life’s journey, the grown-ups are feeling giddy,
The work day’s almost over, not long before they’re outta there,
Birds flitting in and out of trees dancing in the breeze,
But amongst the tranquility lies a hint of melancholy,
Ain’t rained for some time and now the ground’s barren and dry,
Looked out at the yard, scanning the grass for green parts,
At the flowers and plants standing strong though nourishment is scant,
Like loyal troopers in a beaten army, stoicism masked their suffering,
Lined up two rows separated by a line of grass, their king stood tall at the end of the path,
Standing tall like a tower but not immune to patterns of the weather,
Weakened, too, by the drought like a deposed ruler stripped of majesty and clout,
Listing weakly against the wind, helpless as a sinking ship,
The branches are ashen and cracking, bereft of leaves on its many, many sleeves,
Not even kings are infallible against the fury of Mother Nature,
In the face of her vindictive side they’ll barely get out alive,
But she has a nurturing side, finally the rainy days arrive,
Cascading down and all around, an overdue gift from way up in the clouds,
Cancelled many a child’s outdoor plans, grown-up hangouts flushed down the can,
Heaven-sent for nature’s flora and fauna, that heat had become drunk on its own power,
The hardened soil softened once more, absorbing nutrients just like before,
The rains cease after a week and a half before the repentant sun shines across the land,
All is renewed, the gentle breeze returns with a brand new tune,
Got the plants and trees dancing, clouds above groovin’ as they’re floating,
The King stands rejuvenated, back from the dead like Lazarus,
Having lapped up the elixir of life the body no longer a pasty white,
Armed with lush greenery on all branches looking once more like the sovereign of the garden,
Its loyal army joins the party worthy of a dignitary,
Twenty-one leaf salute for Mother Nature, here’s to renewed health and vigor.

‘Tis the season to be jolly, yours truly feeling giddy,
Still on track to a full-on recovery,
Time to kick back and enjoy the festivities,
Chillin’, watching Christmas Movies, including ‘Love Actually’
Where I’d heard this tune originally by Mariah Carey.

Day 358-60

It has been said that the 1950’s era world heavyweight boxing champion, Rocky Marciano, went for a long run every morning whether he was in training for a fight or not, come rain, hail or shine and even during holidays. His reason? Because he always wanted to be the fitter, stronger, more conditioned man in the ring and he would have been damned if some upstart challenger wrested the title he had bled and sweated for away from him. Clearly, Marciano was from the ‘train while your enemy is sleeping’ school and that’s why he retired undefeated following a rather short but legendary career, is considered to be one of the greatest boxers of all time and, along with a rugged heavyweight journeyman named Chuck Wepner, was one of the inspirations behind the iconic film character, Rocky Balboa. Well, count me in among the members of that get up early and train club. On the morning of Christmas Eve I took a leaf out of Marciano’s playbook and woke up early, washed my face and completed a light workout routine. Don’t get me wrong, I still believed that holidays and breaks should be devoted to relaxation, spending time with loved ones and eating to the heart’s content but in my mind it was still no excuse to completely slack off. I kept my inner drill instructor in his cage and limited the session to light stretches and calisthenics, no equipment or crazy routines that would have made David Goggins smile was required as my aim was to simply get the blood pumping and rouse my tightened joints from their slumber before attacking the rest of the day.

Gotta stay battle ready at all times.

Yes, I repeated the ritual on Christmas Day and Boxing Day – although no actual boxing was during on the latter as it would have been highly rude and insensitive to wake my entire household up with the sounds of gloved fists thudding against the heavy bag.

Anyway, Christmas Eve played out the way it did every year, with Mom preparing and then cooking all the Christmas meals while Pops and I cleaned up around the house and yard as Christmas films played on the TV in the living room; the two Home Alone films, Jingle All The Way, The Santa Clause and Love Actually. The DVD player always got a workout on this special day and it’s great to know that these films can still keep us entertained after all these years. The first Home Alone film was one of the first films that I can recall laughing myself silly at as a child outside of Disney or Looney Tunes cartoons although I’d also wondered at the time how the hell Harry possibly shook off the effects of having the top of his head burned off as though he’d just scraped his knee.
We’d put up the Christmas decorations in late November before we left for the trip so that surprisingly long and, at times, demanding and frustrating chore was well out of the way!

Dad and I gave some of our trees an extreme makeover by cutting off their dead branches and also cut the grass. Despite summer’s full bloom and the relative lack of rain (save for those crazy storms that plagued our area a few days before we left for the trip), the grass grew regularly and so the lawn mower was constantly dragged kicking and screaming from the tool shed to report for duty under that heat. Keeping the grass short had become a must-do after we’d found a snake in the yard a few years prior. You see, the warmer weather gave snakes and other vile vermin the incentive to use peoples’ properties as their hideout and on one particular day, we experienced it first-hand during a time when the grass had been neglected for some time, prompting an urgent call to the closest snake catcher in our area. Ultimately, the creature picked up the vibe and had checked out before the catcher arrived at our place and we never saw it again.
Meanwhile, Mom was in the kitchen whipping up enough food to feed a small army for the next couple of weeks, including turkey, ham, various soups and salads and a few desserts to top it all off. It was a generous and delicious spread and the temptation to refrain from feasting like Jughead Jones and Homer Simpson with the munchies was going to be hard work although Dr. B’s orders to not overwhelm the bowels by shoveling too much food down my pie-hole in one sitting never left my mind. I had absolutely no intention of spoiling my progress so far and so I stayed disciplined.
My sister arrived in the afternoon and stayed with us for the next few days. It was just like old times again.

After a day spent cooking, cleaning, gardening, watching Christmas films and everything in between we enjoyed a family dinner before getting dressed to attend the local church’s midnight service. We passed the five or so hours between after dinner and the beginning of service with conversations and also tuned into some of the rather cheesy Christmas Eve specials that they had on television. Pops also took a one-hour nap before he changed clothes. Me? I gutted it out all the way until after the service. Staying up for that long isn’t always easy but I got used to it over time, especially since I’d adopted a ‘night owl’ phase during a majority of my twenties. My parents used to shake their heads at my weird sleeping habits but truthfully, I did some of my best thinking and reflecting in the hours shortly before, during and after midnight, when I knew that the whole world was in dreamland and so I was guaranteed some uninterrupted time for myself.
Besides, more often than not my hyperactive brain takes quite some time to calm down and drift off, in most cases at least twenty minutes after lights out. On bad days, it can take longer than two hours and I end up lying in the dark, wide awake thinking – and sometimes worrying – about random stupid shit that probably won’t matter in the long run. I guess it’s my brain’s way of purging itself before finally nodding off.

Of course I have come to value the power of sleep and rest and try to get to bed now as early as possible, ideally before 10pm, and looking back those boneheaded aspirations to be a rebellious night owl may have contributed to the colitis. Sleep is a vital part of the body’s recovery and perhaps my stupid immune system panicked and thought that my body was at war with some phantom intruder and sprang into action, only to mistaken my bowels for the enemy like some damn rookie moron in the platoon asking to be court-martialed.
Stupid youthful ignorance.
But fuck it, no point getting hung up on the past. In life we win some and lose some.
Gotta own your failures as much as your victories, Boy. Be accountable for that shit.
Anyway, my family and I sat through that one hour service in the middle of the night, fortunate to find vacant spots to sit as the church was packed to the rafters with families young and old. Shoot, some of the kids below the age of ten in attendance were still full of beans at this hour and I was unsure if they had slept during the day, were buzzing due to the Christmas season or had already ingested one too many candy canes (perhaps all three?) but this would be the one time of the year that they are allowed to stay up long past their bedtime so I guess they’re making the most of the experience.

Christmas Day was celebrated at my aunt and uncle’s home before spending Boxing Day at my sister’s apartment. Both gatherings were rather small compared to my childhood since time brings plenty of change and over the years some relatives have moved interstate or overseas but we kept up traditions as best as we could and found ways to keep up with some of our other family members living further away. In both scenarios the food was plentiful and might as well have unfolded in a full house given the boisterous nature of the conversations and anecdotes. I’m more of a listener rather than a talker when it came to these gatherings but it did feel good to spend time with the family and share stories, laughs, jokes and good food with them during the festive season. Both days also involved a contrast in the type of food served, with the food that my sister, cousins and I grew up eating served up by my mother and aunt while my sister served up something a little more ‘modern’ and not quite as calorie-dense and heavy but nonetheless still delicious and which my devoutly religious aunt joked was her penance after a day of living sinfully, food-wise, the day before.
Numerous photos of the meals that we enjoyed were also taken and sent through social media to other relatives to show them what they were missing out on! We received more than a few hilarious responses for our troubles.
Oh, and true to my word, I enjoyed myself during those feeding frenzies and helped myself to generous servings but I stopped short of stuffing myself until I was more stacked than a teenager’s closet. It was a difficult lesson in willpower but I stopped once I felt that the balloon was about to burst. Ever since the colitis I’d come to loathe the feeling of a sore and heavy stomach. I’d all but completely recovered from this disease but I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel somewhat panicked whenever I felt a disturbance of any kind in there.

Boxing Day ended with a quiet dinner at home with my parents before calling it a day at around 10pm. It had been a great few weeks, from the Christmas gathering at the Wing Chun Academy to the one-week holiday in Tasmania, culminating in Christmas celebrations with the family and of course, I was pleased to have been able to reclaim my health in time for these few weeks. There were five days left in the year 2018 and I was feeling good, I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

I was, for the most part, what one would consider a ‘good boy’ when it came to my conduct during school hours as a kid. I wasn’t exactly a high-achiever but I did knuckle down and study hard and complete assignments to the best of my ability and got decent grades for my efforts. I wasn’t always a saint, though, but I wasn’t the devil either. While there were times where I have been called out by the teacher for not paying attention during class, I was never suspended or expelled, didn’t get into any fights on school grounds and also never skipped class Ferris-Bueller style. As a result I was branded ‘boring’ and a ‘goody goody’ by more than a few of my peers but in my mind, I was merely standing my ground and not giving in to the pressure to ‘look cool’ for those fools.

One of the most vivid memories I have of running afoul of my teacher wasn’t in a formal school environment, but during Sunday school when I was five years old. I was born and raised a Catholic and when my sister and I were very young we went to Sunday school every now and then (every two or three weeks if I recall) while our parents were at mass to learn more about God in a child-focused environment. The classes were held in a small classroom next to the church and its walls were adorned with colorful posters and pictures and a giant chalkboard hung smack bang at the front (do chalkboards even exist anymore????), overlooking a few small rows of seats. Desks and chairs were situated closer to the back door.
For the most part these classes went ahead without incident but every now and then a kid would act up and be punished for their troubles. For the average child school was a sucky but necessary evil and to have to sit in another school-like environment on a Sunday wasn’t exactly their idea of fun and so restlessness could sometimes get the better of them. Punishments usually involved being forced to sit in the corner or just outside the front door for five to ten minutes depending on the severity of their sins.

One day, a friend of mine at the time whose name I have long since forgotten and I joined that club.

I don’t quite remember which part of the bible our teachers had planned the day’s lesson around but it did mention God plenty of times. In the Filipino language the word for ‘God’ is ‘Diyos’ but when said in a thick accent while speaking rather quickly it sounded like the word ‘juice’. My friend and I picked up on it right away and held on tight, laughing ourselves stupid whenever the teacher spoke His name and repeating it over and over again to ourselves like a couple of idiots. Some of our fellow peers got a laugh out of it and, for a while, so did the teacher, but there was a limit to her patience and we quickly reached it.
“Ok, guys, let’s get back to the lesson…..
And so we all regained our composure and continued to listen pensively. That was, until she mentioned His name again.

JUICE!!!!!

More laughter. This time the teacher wasn’t having it.
“Boys, one more time and you’ll be sitting in the corner,” she warned.
Yeah, to a couple of five-year olds that was tantamount to being threatened with death and so we shut right up.
Ok, lesson learned, back to the lesson. No more clowning around.
Yeah right.
It didn’t take long for our limited powers of resistance to temptation to crumble once again. Five-year olds barely have a grasp on the concept of self-control and my fellow knucklehead and I were no different. We tried to keep it together for the sake of avoiding punishment, even when the teacher mentioned His name over and over again, practically holding back tears as we resisted the urge to laugh. But our willpower, only marginally stronger than any semblance of maturity and self-awareness that we might have had in us at the time, got the better of us once again. After one too many mentions of God’s name we couldn’t help ourselves.

JUUUUIIIIIIICCCCCEEEEE!!!!!!

Talk about finally breaking the cap off a soda can that had been shaken aggressively for several minutes. In my defense, it was my friend that shouted out but I was guilty by association for laughing out loud. The whole class was in stitches yet again and there was going to be hell to pay for us.
“Both of you sit in opposite corners in the back of the room, NOW!”
And so my friend and I sheepishly made our way to the back of the room and sat down in our respective corners on the floor, bored as can be and twiddling our thumbs when we were not staring vacantly at the carpet and wondering what was underneath it. Luckily it was only a five minute time-out and we were better behaved once time had been served.

But we continued to laugh and joke after class with our peers while waiting for our parents to come out of church, especially since the class ended with an afternoon supper of biscuits and juice.